At what point do you stop dreaming?
Somewhere when adulthood meant going to work every day to pay your bills?
When being a mother or just a parent was the only thing you could remember yourself being and doing?
When summer and vacations and weekends are always too short?
I’m not sure at what point that I lost myself, but I definitely did.
I remember being asked recently, “What are your hobbies?” and I literally could not find even identify one thing that I enjoy doing and could find time to do, outside of the normal “I love to read books and watch movies.” And all I could think about is how sad and boring my life has become.
I remember having elaborate dreams to travel around the world on adventurous trips, enjoying the daily job only to fulfill those adventurous trips, meeting new people and experiencing different cultures of new and old, and so much more.
It seems like a simple dream, but it is one filled with so many memories and life experiences.
I’ve been thinking about it a whole lot recently, reflecting on what threw me off track. I could pretend it’s one thing or another, but realistically, it was simply life. Work, motherhood, money – everything, life!
My son turned 10 last year and completely has his own vibe and interests, I’ve had the time to reflect on how much I am tired of adulting. I feel like it’s time to fall in love with me again. I need to find myself again, finding the love that I have had for myself. I want to learn what my new interests are and what I want to do with the next 10 years of my life. What brings me happiness and joy? What is something I love that is just for me?
Have you ever thought about this for yourself? When you have given everything to everyone else and you have to consider what you love and enjoy?
This year, I’m on a mission to finding myself again.
I’m planning to do so in a few ways:
- Start Therapy. Recognizing that I need to find myself again means also having awareness that I can’t do it alone. I know that I’ll need advice, guidance and support from a person outside of my circle of family and friends to help me to take myself to the next step of my life. I took some time, did some research, and found a great therapist suited to my needs.
- Intentional Planning. This year, I wanted to be more intentional with my thoughts and plans. I decided to purchase three things: a weekly planner, budget planner, and a journal. With everything going on, I wanted to make sure to keep track of it all – reflecting back on it every week and working to do better and be better. The journal and weekly planner both have questions that they ask every week for me to track my goals, achievements, what I’ve done and what I want to do better, and other similar questions. This is part of the driving force for writing this post. I have recently been answering the question “What do I love about me?” A simple question but is so difficult to answer. All of my initial responses are in the image for the post, but I wanted to think deeper and begin the journey to ensure that I can answer it much easier and believe it.
- Focus on the future, not the past. It’s so easy to fall into all the things you should, would, or could over the past years of your adult life. If it wasn’t for this, I could have done this? What would happen if I had done this instead of that? Those shoulda, woulda, couldas can completely break you down. I have to push them aside and focus on therapy and all of the other methods and building some progress.
- Step Outside of My Comfort Zone. A major part of me being unable to find myself before this point is fear. What is going to happen? Will I be successful or will I fail? Will I continue yearning for something that I can’t have? That fear has prevented me from doing so much – traveling, finding a new job, buying a house on my own, etc. Slowly but surely, I started to break out of my comfort zone. I bought my first house on my own back in 2020 and working to remodel some key areas starting this year, we’re planning a few road trips in 2022, and working on some small trips in 2022 and a big trip in 2023. I would have never done this even a few years ago, although it was my targeted goals 20 years ago.
- Let Go of the Things I Can’t Control. Worry and fear can break down even the most happy and successful person. I am a worrywart and worry about every single thing whether I can control it or not. It has crippled me in so many ways. I can’t completely say that I will stop worrying, but I am working diligently to focus on the things within my control. I’ll let you know how that journey goes!
- Keep My Dreams Alive and Make New Dreams. I don’t even remember some of my childhood dreams, but there is no reason why I cannot make some new dreams.
Have you gone through a journey to find yourself again? What are some tips you can share? Share in the comments below!