As I mentioned in Part One, I’ve experienced my share of baby daddy drama and I hoping that these tips will help you to end, or avoid, baby daddy drama in your life. Today, I have some more tips to help guide you through the experience, especially if you want to build a healthy and positive co-parenting relationship for your child.
Let’s start where we left off!
4. Stop allowing your child’s father back into your head and your heart.
As you’ve probably read in many of my other posts, I have always envisioned being married and living happily to my child’s father. Micah’s father is not that man! Just because he is my son’s father does not mean that I will continue to allow him back into my head and my heart, just because I want to have a family with my child’s father. He obviously wasn’t good enough for a relationship, why would he be any better once you have a child with him.
I know sometimes it would be so much easier to just get back with him and try to make it work for your child’s sake, but please realize that you are not doing anything good for your child by getting back with your baby daddy. If he’s a good father, allow him to be. But don’t see that as your viewpoint that he’s a good person and let him back into your head and your heart. Walk away, and give yourself time to breathe before finding the man of your dreams. Your baby daddy does not have to be that man!
5. Decide which direction you’re moving in – backwards or forward.
I have probably done a little bit of father bashing (sorry) so now this one is specifically for the single moms. Let go of the past! Do you still have feelings for your child’s father? Do you wish that there was still a possibility of a relationship coming out of this? Then you have to decide what you want to do! Stop living your life in limbo and allowing the conflict and drama to continue because of how you feel about him.
Does he feel the same about you? Does he want to work on getting things to the way they were? Before you jump back into a relationship with your child’s father, really think this through and decide what’s best for your child. Because remember – it’s not about you anymore. It all has to include your child’s best interest before moving forward.
Does he not feel the same about you? Then move on! Why hold on to the thought or envision a relationship with this man and he doesn’t want a relationship with you? You have to work on releasing those emotions and feelings and being the best co-parent you can be for your child – if that’s the direction it’s headed in.
6. Don’t be a doormat: learn how to say No!
This is one tip that I have learned over the years, and it has made my life a lot simpler. I have the hardest time saying to anyone or anything; however, there are many times where I’ve become so overwhelmed in the process that I was unable to deliver on all of the things that I had agreed to do.
This is the same with your child’s father. Does he want to pick up your child at 2:00 am (yes, this has been requested before)? Does he want to tell you how you should raise your child? Is he pushing you into something that you don’t feel comfortable? Then, say No! Stop accepting everything that comes your way just because he is your child’s father. Yes, I do believe in making a compromise, but compromises with me usually starts with me saying No to what’s been proposed.
Try this little exercise – stand in front of the mirror and say No over and over. Say it with feeling and gusto, and look at your expressions while saying it. How are you coming across? Do you still look like you’re considering the question or request? Or does it look like you mean business? Because you want to look like you mean business each time. Say it like it’s the end of the discussion when you say No. If you don’t believe yourself, then someone else won’t believe you. Focus on this each and every time – use this in every facet of your life. Don’t be so willing and open to everything. Learn how to say No and avoid your child’s father from feeling that he can run all over you.
7. Stop doubting that you can do this by yourself!
There have been mothers doing this parenting thing on their own, I’m sure, since the beginning of time. Whether they were caring for their children while their husbands were out working several towns over, or because their husbands were out to war and some even died in war, or because they have taken in a child (whether their own or otherwise), or they had children out of wedlock – whatever the case, there have been moms being single moms and taking care of their children on their own.
Don’t deal with the crap from your child’s father because you feel you can’t do this on your own. When you are needy, they smell it like meat and they treat you like crap because of it. Your child needs at least one solid, consistent, focused, and determined parent – not 2 crazy parents yelling at each other at every given chance. Don’t force a co-parenting relationship because you feel that you can’t do this on your own, because you and your child will end up suffering because of it.
Being a child of divorce, I saw this way too often and I thank God daily for the solidness of my grandparents for making the experience not as drastic as it could have been. I will be that one solid, consistent parent for my son no matter what, because I fully understand how impactful that is for a child.
In the end, it is important to develop and foster a positive co-parenting relationship with your child’s father. I truly believe in this, although my situation is not headed down that path. A child deserves to have both their parents in their life; however, it should not be to their own demise. Remember: Your child will be much happier if you are happy as well. A happy mom is a happy child. So keep the baby daddy drama out of your life. Work on making your co-parenting relationship positive and healthy, and if it cannot be that way, then do your part and be the parent that your child needs. Don’t focus on what could have been – focus on what you can do now and in the future.