I Can’t Take It Anymore! : Tips to End Baby Daddy Drama – Part 2 | Epic Mommy Adventures

I Can’t Take It Anymore! : Tips to End Baby Daddy Drama – Part 2

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I Can't Take It Anymore! : Tips to End Baby Daddy Drama

As I mentioned in Part One,  I’ve experienced my share of baby daddy drama and I hoping that these tips will help you to end, or avoid, baby daddy drama in your life.  Today, I have some more tips to help guide you through the experience, especially if you want to build a healthy and positive co-parenting relationship for your child.

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Let’s start where we left off!

4. Stop allowing your child’s father back into your head and your heart.

As you’ve probably read in many of my other posts, I have always envisioned being married and living happily to my child’s father.  Micah’s father is not that man!  Just because he is my son’s father does not mean that I will continue to allow him back into my head and my heart, just because I want to have a family with my child’s father.  He obviously wasn’t good enough for a relationship, why would he be any better once you have a child with him.

I know sometimes it would be so much easier to just get back with him and try to make it work for your child’s sake, but please realize that you are not doing anything good for your child by getting back with your baby daddy.  If he’s a good father, allow him to be. But don’t see that as your viewpoint that he’s a good person and let him back into your head and your heart.  Walk away, and give yourself time to breathe before finding the man of your dreams.  Your baby daddy does not have to be that man!

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Image source: http://www.lifesansdrama.com/

5. Decide which direction you’re moving in – backwards or forward.

I have probably done a little bit of father bashing (sorry) so now this one is specifically for the single moms.  Let go of the past! Do you still have feelings for your child’s father? Do you wish that there was still a possibility of a relationship coming out of this? Then you have to decide what you want to do! Stop living your life in limbo and allowing the conflict and drama to continue because of how you feel about him.

Does he feel the same about you? Does he want to work on getting things to the way they were? Before you jump back into a relationship with your child’s father, really think this through and decide what’s best for your child. Because remember – it’s not about you anymore.  It all has to include your child’s best interest before moving forward.

Does he not feel the same about you? Then move on! Why hold on to the thought or envision a relationship with this man and he doesn’t want a relationship with you? You have to work on releasing those emotions and feelings and being the best co-parent you can be for your child – if that’s the direction it’s headed in.

6. Don’t be a doormat: learn how to say No!

This is one tip that I have learned over the years, and it has made my life a lot simpler.  I have the hardest time saying to anyone or anything; however, there are many times where I’ve become so overwhelmed in the process that I was unable to deliver on all of the things that I had agreed to do.

This is the same with your child’s father.  Does he want to pick up your child at 2:00 am (yes, this has been requested before)? Does he want to tell you how you should raise your child? Is he pushing you into something that you don’t feel comfortable? Then, say No! Stop accepting everything that comes your way just because he is your child’s father. Yes, I do believe in making a compromise, but compromises with me usually starts with me saying No to what’s been proposed.

Try this little exercise – stand in front of the mirror and say No over and over. Say it with feeling and gusto, and look at your expressions while saying it. How are you coming across? Do you still look like you’re considering the question or request? Or does it look like you mean business? Because you want to look like you mean business each time. Say it like it’s the end of the discussion when you say No.  If you don’t believe yourself, then someone else won’t believe you.  Focus on this each and every time – use this in every facet of your life.  Don’t be so willing and open to everything. Learn how to say No and avoid your child’s father from feeling that he can run all over you.

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Image source: http://cnovac.blogspot.com/

7. Stop doubting that you can do this by yourself!

There have been mothers doing this parenting thing on their own, I’m sure, since the beginning of time.  Whether they were caring for their children while their husbands were out working several towns over, or because their husbands were out to war and some even died in war, or because they have taken in a child (whether their own or otherwise), or they had children out of wedlock – whatever the case, there have been moms being single moms and taking care of their children on their own.

Don’t deal with the crap from your child’s father because you feel you can’t do this on your own.  When you are needy, they smell it like meat and they treat you like crap because of it.  Your child needs at least one solid, consistent, focused, and determined parent – not 2 crazy parents yelling at each other at every given chance.  Don’t force a co-parenting relationship because you feel that you can’t do this on your own, because you and your child will end up suffering because of it.

Being a child of divorce, I saw this way too often and I thank God daily for the solidness of my grandparents for making the experience not as drastic as it could have been.  I will be that one solid, consistent parent for my son no matter what, because I fully understand how impactful that is for a child.

 

 

In the end, it is important to develop and foster a positive co-parenting relationship with your child’s father.  I truly believe in this, although my situation is not headed down that path.  A child deserves to have both their parents in their life; however, it should not be to their own demise.  Remember: Your child will be much happier if you are happy as well. A happy mom is a happy child. So keep the baby daddy drama out of your life.  Work on making your co-parenting relationship positive and healthy, and if it cannot be that way, then do your part and be the parent that your child needs.  Don’t focus on what could have been – focus on what you can do now and in the future.

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About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. Hi. New follower from Bloggy Moms Blog Hop. Looking forward to reading your posts and keeping in touch through Google + and Instagram!

  2. These are some great tips. I love the doing it on your own thing. That is my downfall. I bring in the income to support the kids by myself and pay the bills but that is about it. I don’t have a license so that is the main thing that hinders me. #TurnUpTuesday

  3. Great tips Natasha. As a single mother who successfully raised a daughter, number 7 is crucial. Advising and encouraging other single mothers not only empowers them, but it will empower you to continue on your journey as well.

    • Thanks so much Rhonda! I really appreciate it! It’s so true, I believe that I have grown from sharing advice and encouragement to other single moms. It makes me feel that it was all worthwhile. Reading your story and the story of others that have successfully done it also inspire and motivate me to keep going. Have a great Sunday! 🙂

  4. I coparent and I am really enjoying this series… I am going to pink the ‘Ways to Say No’, I really need to work on this and I like how they are positive ways to say no, without sounding harsh or mean.

    • I’m glad you’re enjoying the posts! It is definitely something that I think is valuable in building a positive co-parenting relationship. Thanks! 🙂

  5. californiababy13 says:

    Hello I’m a single mom and I strongly dislike tension. My child’s father was always there, supportative but came across some financial issues and now gives nothing for the child. This is very frustrating especially when you’re the only parent doing things. The father works but refuses to give for the child only when he wants to. should you go to court?

    • I can completely understand. It is hard when you have to do it all on your own. If it’s possible, I would just move forward without taking him to court. However, I would go file for child support if you could do for the help to take care of your child’s everyday needs. He is still responsible for your child, whether he wants to support financially or not. Hope this helps! Wishing you the best!

  6. BostonQueen92 says:

    These helped and made me tear i dont know whether or not my daughter’s father wants to be involved his new gf has contributed to everything wrong within our co parenting ….i just wish i had an outsider that i can talk to and pray with …its so stressful being a single mom

    • If he is really interested in being in a co-parenting relationship with you for the sake of your child, he would not allow anyone or anything to impact that. However, this is not always the case. Many times, men are torn between doing what’s right by their child and maintaining their relationships – the two conflict more often than not. Sad, but true.

      It is very stressful being a single mom, there is no doubt about it. But you don’t have to do it alone – there are many other single moms, including myself, that is available to help you through it, even if it’s just for someone to talk to. It’s tough to push someone into a co-parenting relationship when they don’t want to be in one or their significant other is impacting their ability to do so.

      Feel free to e-mail me at 1epicmommy@gmail.com if you need someone to talk to. Wishing you the best!

  7. I recently have become very frustrated with my sons’ father, because he is like openly bragging about his lifestyle. I would like to say I am a bigger person, but I can’t deny I am hurt by the fact that he takes pride in “doing better than me”, and takes ever opportunity to flaunt it. I would consider myself a good mother/provider, and try to be respectful of him.
    It hurts that he can move away, live his life, condemn me in every breath. I am just trying my best to raise our son on a day to day basis, and I need help with this process. We do have a co-parenting agreement, so we have to work together on some things, but I need more firm boundaries for myself to not get sucked into the emotional drag.

    • Hi Shantee,
      You answered your own question. The resentment is something that is very difficult to get over. Trust me, I understand. And he knows it too – and that’s why he’s flaunting it in front of your face. The thing that we as single parents have to deal with is the fact that this is our lives. Come hell or high water, we are going to make it work. We have a mission, a purpose, and no matter what, we will be the best parent/provider/caregiver that we can be for our kids. Create those boundaries for yourself, and focus on allowing him to live his life, while you enjoy living yours.

      Wishing you the utmost best!

  8. Single Lou says:

    I am a single Mom at one point i decided to give the Baby Daddy a chance to be a father to our son. After 4 years of no communication I initially reached out and we are know talking. However its pretty clear at this point I still am dreaming of marriage and getting back with him. We are both single, he recently visited and we treated each other like how we were when we were together. Now I am confused he initially said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. The sad part is there was no conversation about us. I feel used it seems like I was led to play the part of the moment and was dropped like a hot potato. Any thoughts? Now I want to walk away but i dont know how. he wont communicate then out of nowhere sends me lengthy messages that he needs me.

    • Hi Single Lou,
      You have to make a clear decision on how to move forward. Are you trying to build a romantic relationship with him or a co-parenting relationship? It becomes very confusing when you have not set goals for the relationship that you’re attempting to cultivate, and that’s exactly what happened. It sounds like your initial goal going in was to work on a co-parenting relationship. If that’s the case, focus on setting those boundaries and working to build a healthy relationship for your child’s sake. Understandably, you are dreaming of marriage and a future with him, but you may just have to let that go. End the confusion and focus on the relationship that would be best for your child.

      Wishing you the best!

  9. I am mom with three girls and two different babyfather but my two girls father live with me we don’t get along because I getting my jealousy in my relationship with him.he always put me down and call me name what to do with that and how to deal with it always threatening me that he going to take my kids away from me.

    • Hi Suzanne, thanks for stopping by! You have to determine when you’ve really had enough, and begin taking appropriate action. It is wrong for you to have to deal with that type of abuse, and it is even worse that your children are exposed to it. However, until you decide to make appropriate change, this will just continue to happen. Wishing you the utmost best!

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