My nephew has come to visit! It’s only been a couple of days, but honestly, it has been a great experience. He has been helping me around the house and with Micah…and honestly, he’s been a great person to chat with. Although only 20 years old, he’s definitely an old soul as I was at his age, and we have deep philosophical conversations about life, entrepreneurship, family life, and ambition. He asked a question today that really got me thinking, “What are some of the things that you worry about most as a solo parent?”
It wasn’t an incredibly difficult question, because I do worry about lots of things from day to day, but narrowing them down to what I worry about most was a bit tricky. I took some time to think about it, and I finally came up with 5 things that I worry about most as a solo parent.
1. I worry if I’m making the right choices for my son.
From the selection of his new school to the food that he eats, I worry if I am making the right choices for Micah. It’s a worry that creeps up from time to time, and all that I have to show that it’s working out is my son’s happiness. And he’s incredibly happy, so I try to worry about it less.
2. I worry whether or not I’ll be able to continue to support us on my own.
Financial worries are always a big issue for parents, but it is especially an issue with solo parents. I worry each day about the safety of my job, the ability to have medical benefits, whether I’ll be able to pay Micah’s school costs, and if we’ll be able to keep the lights on. I have been fortunate and blessed to be able to find and keep a well-paying job and take care of all of Micah’s needs without a struggle. But I still worry about it, and I work hard to make sure that all our needs are met.
3. I worry if I’m being a good role model for my son.
95% of the time, I am fully confident in me being a good role model for Micah. But there’s always that 5% where I worry whether or not I am a positive role model for him. I worry that he is able to see my strength and sacrifices, love and attention, and more. In his future, I want him to find someone that will offer him the same, and I want him to be that way too. I hope that because of his experiences, he will be a great man, a great provider, and a great father.
4. I worry about something happening to me, or worse, something happening to my son.
What would happen to my son if something happened to me? Where would he go? Although I do have a living will in place, which I recommend for EVERY single parent, I still worry about the ability of upholding my wishes. Will he end up with his father and paternal grandmother? How will he turn out?
And although I don’t like to think about it, I do worry about something happening to my son. I can’t even make a statement further than that about it, let’s just say that I worry about it. I dread the experience, and I hope and pray that it never happens.
5. I worry about how my son will be impacted by the lack of involvement of his father.
The involvement from Micah’s father has been spotted throughout his entire life; however, in the past year, I can consider it non-existent. Other than the child support that I receive each week, there has been a total and utter shutdown. The most conversation I have had with Micah’s father in recent months was to get a new copy of the medical insurance card. And it took literally 6 months and finally an intervention by my dear friend Titi to get a copy of it in hand. Prior to that, it was me “bugging him” (as he called it) to update Micah’s primary care physician on the medical insurance. It was to the point where the insurance was denying any claims submitted, and the doctor’s office was ready to start billing me for each of the visits. Finally, he made the phone call to update the records.
Never once, though, did he ask how Micah was doing. And never once does Micah ask to speak to his father. I worry about the years to come, and the impact this lack of a relationship will have on Micah.
In the end, I worry about a lot of things as a solo parent; however, I refuse to let worry keep me down. I tend to worry in the wee hours of the night when I’m completely exhausted. But in the daytime, I try to stay focused on everything that makes our life complete. I am happy being a solo parent, and other times I dread the experience. Either way, I continue to live our lives to the fullest and make the best of it.