Let’s Talk About Sex…and the Single Mom

First and foremost, I don’t talk about sex – it’s just not one of those things that I share with the people around me, and I haven’t really touched on it here on the blog at all. I’m going to try to break a record today and test how many times I can say sex in this post – I never talk about it. It’s so incredibly weird, but I feel the desire to share today.

Sex is taboo…especially when it comes to the single mom. If she’s having sex, it’s expected that she beware so that she doesn’t end up pregnant again and a single mom to several children. If she’s not having sex, then she’s a complete prude. Which one is it? Am I promiscuous or am I a prude? The ongoing judgment sometimes drives me nutty.

At some point in my life, although it seems like ages ago, I had a pretty active sex life. That’s how my son was born, right??!! But in recent years, it has been practically nonexistent.

For the past 2 years, I had no relationship – sexual or otherwise – with anyone. I focused on enjoying the early years of parenthood, building my career and education, and just living. But obviously that was too crazy for some people to believe because I am constantly questioned as to when I would start a relationship or at least go out and have some incredible sex with someone. It was obvious (maybe only to them) that I needed “some” in my life to take the edge off. I admit, I was on edge but I seriously doubt that having sex was going to help it – I just needed to relax. Who am I kidding, right? Yes, I needed to have sex. But it was a bit overwhelming thinking about having sex with someone.

I tried the dating thing for a little bit, hoping that I could start a new relationship. Maybe just being a relationship would help me to relax a little. But unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to start dating, and it crashed and burned at every turn. I continuously hurt people that were obviously into me but that I had no interest in starting a relationship.  At first, I thought it was them, but really and truly – I wasn’t ready. And I started to feel horrible…

I was dating for a few months when I just decided to put it on the back burner for a little while…

So what do you do when you’re a single mom, horny, and not ready for a relationship? Read on!

1. Stop repressing your sexual feelings.

Just because you’re a single mom doesn’t mean that you have to repress and forego your sexual desires. After I gave birth, I had a newfound respect for my body and had a true sexual awakening. I was stimulated in the most unexpected ways, and I was proud of what my body had accomplished – growing a baby, giving birth, creating a food source for my young infant – my body was amazing. I felt good about myself.  This sexual awakening only continued to grow when I became a single mom – I felt like I was on top of the world. My body was not perfect, but my lumps and bumps signified the journey my body went through to create life and I couldn’t have felt better about myself. So I quickly learned that I should stop repressing those sexual feelings, and embrace them. And you should too!

2. Start your own sex toy collection.

If you’re not ready to have sex with someone but you’re horny, why not have sex with yourself? After I gave birth to my son, my body changed and so did my sexual response. The things that stimulated me before childbirth no longer did, so I had to learn my body once more, and the best way to do it is to have sex with yourself. Learn to understand your body and your needs. This will not only satisfy your sexual craving, it will also prepare you to tell the new person in your life what you’re looking for out of a sexual relationship. I have my own sex toy collection, and it’s really come in handy on those rough days when I desperately need some form of release.  And there are so many options available – if you’ve never gone shopping for sex toys, please take a knowledgeable friend. You might get lost in the multiple options and want to take everything home!

3. Masturbation could be the key.

Men have been masturbating, in some way shape or form, since they were pre-teens – why can’t we as grown single women masturbate? This goes hand in hand with the sex toy collection – sometimes you need some toys to stimulate you and other times, masturbation on its own can be the key. And the best part about it – it’s completely safe! And there are some great benefits!Can you imagine how different our lives would have been if we as girls were exploring masturbation rather than rushing to break our virginity? Okay, that was more directed at me than at any one else, but you get the point. It’s easy to get completely lost in masturbation – so if you’re eventually eventually looking to get into a relationship, mix it up a little.

4.  Find yourself a good sex buddy.

I’m probably going to be completely bashed for saying this, but it’s true – find yourself a good friend and get it on. But it’s not as cut and dry as that, there are numerous steps involved.  First, you need to lay out the ground rules – what you expect, what he expects, length of time, what to do in case one starts catching feelings, etc.  And most importantly, both of you get tested (safety is key) and figure out your protection plans. We are all adults (and if you’re not, then this does not apply to you), and there’s nothing wrong with having sex with someone you trust, as long as you go through all the precautions and then some. That’s my personal opinion. I have recently consulted a long-time friend of mine to become engaged in a sexual relationship, and honestly it’s been going really well. There are no emotions tied – it’s just sex. But then again, that’s just the way that I am – I can separate sex from a relationship. Not many people can do that.  Not every sexual situation will be as cut and dry, and you have to prepare to deal with what could happen.

5. Practice celibacy.

Sometimes we get into the situation where we want sex TOO much.  Yes, it’s possible. And we have to take a step back and calm ourselves down. We start freaking out because we’ve ran through each of our toys and are no longer satisfied, we get bored with our sex buddy, and we’re just completely bored. Then you know what? You need to take a breather. It’s obvious that you’re on a level where nothing will satisfy you, and that’s not a good thing. You’ve probably been having so much sex that at this point, you just want something different, something fresh – stop, and consider practicing celibacy. Just cut yourself off, and give yourself the opportunity to calm down. I need to do this from time to time (because I get bored VERY easily), and it really helps to calm my nerves, and get out of the boredom stage.  Plus, I have the opportunity to focus on different things – other than sex.

Hope you enjoyed this post focused on sex…and the single mom. You may agree with most, but not all, but I hope you can appreciate where I’m coming from.  Sex is completely natural and relaxing, so whether you’re in a relationship, single, or otherwise – enjoy it! And if you’re a single mom, please have some sex (in some way shape or form), you’ll need some level of release after working so hard and raising your children. Wishing you the best!

On a side note, I definitely hit a record on the number of times I’ve mentioned the word “sex” in this post. And now I’m completely blushing…*giggles*

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