15 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Mom | Epic Mommy Adventures

15 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Mom

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Typically, I share posts to help single moms (and dads) become more knowledgeable about the experience and offer advice on how to manage the day-to-day. I actually started this blog with the mindset that I would be able to help other women that were considering leaving their significant other and were fearful of being a single mom. I wanted to be the inspiration that they needed to make the change and help them understand that it would be okay. This post is not going to be like that. Today, I want to share some things that others should avoid doing when dealing with a single mom.

Never Say to Single Mom

Here is a list of things that you should never say to a single mom…and if you do, that single mom cannot be blamed for their actions. I am specifically going to focus on things that have been said to me. And please excuse me if I get a little heated and go overboard – this subject just really gets me going.

1. Children need their father for a male role model.

Ahhhh…no they don’t! Children, especially boys, need a male role model. Whether that role model is their father or otherwise should not matter. Of course, I want my son’s father to be involved in his life, but if he was a drug-addicted, can’t stay out jail, prostituting, alcoholic man, he would not be in my son’s life. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. My son’s father has his issues and in many ways I don’t want my son to learn how to be a man from him. I want him to learn what a real man looks like, not a boy masquerading around in a man’s body.

2. Where is your child?

I was at the movie theater waiting for my dear friend Titi to arrive, and a woman walked up to me and asked, “Aren’t you a single mom? Where’s your son?” Excuse me…what does that matter to you? And why can’t a single mom go somewhere without their child? Are we just supposed to be attached at the hip or something? I’m not supposed to have ANY breathing room? Before I could even respond to her, all of these questions ran through my head. And honestly, it took everything in me not to snap (especially because I couldn’t recall where I knew her from!). So, my response was, “Yes, I am a single mom. And my son is not here.” And I also gave the fakest smile that I could muster. She must have gotten the hint because she quickly walked away. Honestly, what I wanted to say was, “I’m a grown ass woman and I can go out whenever and wherever I want. Do you think I’m just abandoning my son to come to the movie theaters? Really? Get out of my face!” Thankfully, the patience and tolerance that I’ve been acquiring since having my son and dealing with his antics have really been worth it.

Can you see why this would irritate a single mom? Just don’t ask. Just assume the best, say hello, and either talk about something else or walk away. Very likely, if a single mom is out and about without her child, she has made arrangements for someone to watch her child. If you see a married couple out without their kids, would you ask the same question?

3. What are you going to do with your child support check? Are you going to get your hair and nails done?

An associate of mine (let’s call her that since we’re really not that close) asked me this one day on the phone. She was so happy that I had finally file and received child support and she figured now I would have more money to get my hair and nails done, or possibly to go to a spa and relax. Is that would you envision child support to be? Because it’s not!  Child support is for the needs of the child, not the relaxation of the momma! I know of and have heard of a few moms who take advantage of the child support checks, but guess what? I’m not one of them. So don’t insult me by asking.

4. Have you ever heard of birth control?

Ok, so this one wasn’t directly asked to me, but I overheard someone saying this to a single mom. Honestly, I’m very surprised that the mom didn’t punch the woman in the face, because that really hit me hard when I heard it. The single mom was in the grocery store and she had 6 kids with her. She was rushing through the aisles, trying to get the ingredients together for dinner and breakfast for the next day. She was newly divorced and she was working on getting used to being a single mom of 6 kids. Her ex-husband was incarcerated for some drug charge. I know this because I was talking to her right before the incident happened (I have that face that says “talk to me!”). As we separated and she went down one direction and my son and I went in the opposite direction, I hear a lady nearby tell the single mom, “Have you ever heard of birth control? Are you just sleeping with everyone?” Wow! People really have the audacity!

Don’t assume that because a single mom has multiple kids that those kids have multiple fathers. In this case, the single mom was actually married and had 6 children in her marriage. She didn’t have multiple partners – all of her kids had the same father. And even if she had multiple partners and all the kids had different fathers, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Stop placing judgment on others for what they have done in their life.

5. I feel so bad for you…

Why? Because I’m a single mom? Why are so many people more upset about me being a single mom than I am? I’m happy. My son’s happy. What’s the problem? I get sick and tired of people telling me that I must have it so hard, or that they feel bad for me and they don’t know how I do it. Do you know how I do it? I get up every day and keep it moving. I get up in the morning, go to work, come home and spend time with my son, blog, and finally go to sleep. And honestly, if I focus on the basics in that way, I tend to ignore all the nagging feelings about whether or not I’m going to make it through the month.

The trick of it is that all moms are jugglers, handlers, and creative masterminds – they figure it out and handle it all under all circumstances. Single moms have this same talent; the only difference is that they’re doing it on their own. It’s a challenge, yes, but don’t pity us – root for us!

6. You let your child spend time with his dad after all he put you through?

What happened between me and my son’s father is just that – what happened between us! It does not impact the love or appreciation that he has for our son. If he is willing to step up to the plate and be there for Micah, I am more than happy to accept him. It doesn’t matter what we’ve been through – our child comes first. I am making no excuses for him in terms of the type of person that he is, but I genuinely see that he loves his child. As long as he is not endangering our son in any way, he will have and continue to have a relationship with Micah.

And by the way, he is not spending time with his father, he is bonding with his father, siblings, and extended family. I don’t doubt that they are giving him the love that I would give him if he was home with me.

7. I’m a single mom this week – my husband will be travelling for work all week!

Ahhh no…you’re not a single mom this week, you are alone with your kids while your husband is travelling. You know what that means? He’s coming back! And he’ll be there even if it’s just for emotional support while he’s travelling. When he comes home, you will have someone to talk about your week and you’ll surely be able to take advantage of some time on your own, if possible. I’m a single mom every day, every week – even when he’s with his dad for the weekend, I’m a single mom. Because I have to be ready to jump into action should anything happen or if his father has other plans. Your couple of days alone does not compare to my everyday life. So don’t compare it! Just share that you are anxious that your husband is leaving, and we can talk through it. Just don’t compare!

On the other hand, I was a military wife in my past life. I do understand that husbands (or wives) are deployed for months and years on end. In this case, you are definitely a single parent. You have no idea when your significant other will return. I knew many wives who spent their pregnancy alone and in some cases the first few years of their child’s life.

8. You have to take ANOTHER day off because your child is sick? You have to leave early again for ANOTHER doctor’s appointment?

Don’t ever say this to a single mom; don’t even imply it. Because guess what? She has to do it! Who else will? And you not showing any compassion to that fact will set a single mom off. Micah was diagnosed with asthma a few months ago and it has been a struggle getting him through the winter months. The cold air has been exacerbating his asthma and we’ve spent many days at home or in the doctor’s office. I’ve tried to get his father involved, but I really can’t depend on him so I have had to do it on my own. And I’m happy to do it to make sure that my son is okay.

9. Wow, you look really tired.

Honestly, who wants to hear that? You would swear that I was slinking around like a snail on the floor the way people look at me as they say this. You know why I look tired? Because I am! And you know why I probably won’t get any sleep? Because I’m a single mom! Get off my back already, why don’t you? It doesn’t matter what type of mom you are talking to, just don’t say this. This really offends moms. You don’t know what their experience is, and no one needs it thrown in their face.

10. You must be so lonely. You should start dating.

So what, any woman that doesn’t have a significant other has to automatically be lonely? I have tried to emphasize this many times – I am alone, not lonely. I don’t crave a relationship right now, nor am I going to rush into it just to appease those people that feel that I should be in one. Honestly, this is the longest that I have gone not being in a relationship and it actually feels really good. I am going to live my life, enjoy it to the fullest, and if someone should appear at the right time in the right place, then I will make that move. I have been asked out on dates numerous times but it hasn’t worked out. I’m not looking for it, but I am open to it. Until then, I am enjoying my single life with my little man — alone, not lonely.

11. Your house (or your car) looks a mess. You should clean it!

Do you want to clean it? Because I would willingly take a free cleaning service. First and foremost, I have a toddler. It is hard enough chasing after him and cleaning up behind him. But then, I’m a single mom – which means I have little to no time to clean every day. So you know what that means? It will get cleaned when it’s cleaned. If you don’t like it, don’t come over and don’t get in my car. But calling me out like this only says that I am a messy person and not doing what I should do as a mother for my child. It’s just rude to ask this question to anyone!

12. Is your child’s father in the picture?

Why does that matter so much to you? I don’t mind the occasional question, but sometimes it is just too much. And it is not any individual’s fault for asking the question. I do understand that some people are genuine in asking this question. The follow-up questions determines whether I’ll be offended or not. As a general rule, you shouldn’t ask where the other parent is. It could be a sore point. And unless you want to get into the full conversation about it, just don’t ask!

13. You’re a single mom…are you on welfare or government assistance? How can you afford everything?

This is possibly one of my pet peeves. Just because I am a single mom doesn’t mean that I have to be on welfare or government assistance! Yes, many single mothers make an annual salary below the poverty level, but there are many single mothers that are thriving! And I am one of them. Yes, we have some very difficult days where I’m concerned how all the bills will get paid and what will have to be sacrificed. But overall, we are doing really well. Don’t assume just because I’m a single mom means that I’m on some type of government assistance. And if I am, what does that matter? There are some married couples on government assistance. Do you ask them how they can afford everything? No. Then, don’t do it to single moms.

14. Single moms should not be celebrated as single parenting should not be the norm.

Let me correct that statement – single parents (and parents as a whole) don’t want or ask to be celebrated; we just should be respected. For the simple fact that they are raising their children the best way we know how, regardless of the circumstance. Whether a single parent is divorced, never married, by choice, or any other circumstance does not mean that you should look down on them. We are not destroying society; we are just trying to survive in it. Gone are the days where the perception of families were those who were married, living in a beautiful house with a white picket fence, and having 2 1/2 children. Not that the perception is fully gone, but the cloud has been lifted and people are starting to see that there are many single parents out there. And I will not be considered a statistic because of it. My circumstances and your circumstances are just that – mine and yours. Single parents are strong and brave and powerful – we have shown that we can do it all and still have a head on our shoulders and a mind of our own. We should be respected for raising our children, instead of allowing them to become a part of the system.

15. You’ll regret not staying with his father.

No, I would regret it if i stayed with him. I did not want my son to see me unhappy every day and think that it was normal. I believe that he is better off seeing me single and happy. I truly believe that happy mother produces happy children. An older woman told me this and I was believed the opposite – she believed that happy children are produced from a two-parent household. I counteracted stating that happy children can possibly come from a happy and loving two-parent household. Children are not happy if they are constantly seeing their parents arguing or getting into physical altercations. In my opinion, children will blossom in any household that is filled with love and acceptance.

As a general rule, don’t make this statement to any single mom. Trust me, they’re already trying to deal with the decision that they’ve made and the long-term effects on their child. Don’t get involved by throwing this issue in their face. No one wants to feel that they may regret such a big decision, nor it is your place to point this out.

Single parents – do you have any to add to the list? I’d love to hear it! Share in the comments.

 

As I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, the judgment of single parents has to stop. We are doing the best that we can with the cards that have been dealt to us. There are some single parents that need your support and help and even more that are doing very well. In either case, root for the single parents, don’t judge them. And don’t say any of these things to a single mom (or dad) because as I said, they cannot be blamed for what they do after you say it.

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About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. Natasha!!! I love this post, I don’t have to add anything because I think you pretty much covered it all lol. Great comments. To me is all about respect, don’t assume and respect every family situation. You never know what is going on behind closed doors so don’t think you are better off than the next. Again great share!!!!!

    • Thanks Mari! You’re absolutely correct – it all boils down to respecting every type of family. And that’s exactly the point that I wanted to make. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it; I surely enjoyed writing it.

  2. Hey Natasha, just wanted to let you know I enjoy reading your blog and I nominated you for a Liebster award. More info here: http://www.achimom.com/2014/04/the-liebster-award.html

  3. Great post! From #5 down I think I have experienced everyone one of those. I really don’t think people think before they speak, so I just use it as a teachable moment for them. Hopefully, they’ll know not ask any other single moms those questions or make those comments ever again 🙂

    • Thanks Lisa! I completely agree, people don’t think before they speak. And they surely don’t consider the impact of their words. I wrote this post as a teachable moment for myself and others because I honestly believe that people don’t intentionally mean to hurt your feelings. They just don’t understand it and sometimes say insulting things on their quest to understand it.

      Thanks so much for reading my post and for commenting! Hope you have a great weekend! 🙂

  4. I was a single parent for about 8 years until I met my darling husband. It is tough and sometimes even when we find someone else – we still have the mentality that we are alone. Like my husband wanting to take care of bills and other stuff and me not being able to let him because I was so used to doing it myself. It was just all new territory.

    I have had a few of these things said to me.
    The worst for me was “So, I guess you and her father weren’t married, right?!” Wait, what?? What does being married or not have to do with why I’m a single parent now. People make me sick,

    Keep it Touched,
    KG
    http://www.kgstyleinc.com

    • I can imagine that it is a difficult adjustment. I have considered the same if I were to get into a new relationship. I have wondered if I will still try to hold onto the reins and not allow my significant other to manage certain things because I have gotten used to doing it all on my own. And I think it would take some time for me to get used to it. Wishing you the best!

      I have heard the same too! That’s a good one! What does marriage have to do with the reason why I’m a single mom? There are divorced single moms too! People will just say anything!

      Thanks so much for reading my post and for commenting! Hope you have a great weekend!

  5. You wrote this exceptionally well, and I have nothing to add as you expressed all the topics that I experience, being a single mom myself.

    • I’m glad that you enjoyed the post, Michelle. It has been a post that I have considered writing for a long time. I’m so glad that it has been so well received. Wishing you the best!

  6. Natasha,
    I am married, but I have friends who are single mothers, and none of these questions would ever even cross my mind! People really have nerve, don’t they?

    When you mentioned the woman with 6 kids who was asked if she had ever heard of birth control, that really broke my heart! How dare someone judge another based on outside appearances? That woman had all of her kids with her at the grocery store, taking care of each and every one of them, and someone has the audacity to ask her if she’s ever heard of birth control? My, oh, my. I wonder if that person had ever heard of ” shutting their mouth and minding their own damn business.”

    The other part that hit a nerve with me was when women get crap for letting their child spend time with his/her father. First of all, it’s the child’s FATHER, and if a woman is keeping a child from his/her dad for what he did to HER in the past, then everyone loses. Women need to stop using children as leverage.

    Thanks so much for sharing! Hopefully this post allows people to open their minds a bit more.

    • People really don’t think before they speak and they surely don’t realize the impact that their words have on others. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that don’t do it. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your thoughts! I really hope that it helps people to consider what they say.

  7. I’ve met single moms that I admire, and I’ve met a few that I didn’t. But I believe overall, they are like all parents, a single parent is doing the best job they know how to in a job that doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Thanks for the great post.

    • I completely agree, Heidi. Just like any other parent, a single parent is just doing the best they can. It is tough in a different way for all parents and at the end of the day, everyone should be respected as such. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! 🙂

  8. I’m not a mom, but this list is amazing. I didn’t know people could say such stupid things. Nevertheless, I’ll keep this in mind so I’m not insensitive to a single mom.

  9. #11 made me almost spit out my soda laughing, I am so that single mom! My car is a disaster almost all the time and my brother cannot get in without a snarky comment.

    • LOL! My car stays a mess – I just never can get around to cleaning it! Every time I drop my son off to his dad for the weekend, his dad will stare into my car with this disgusted look on his face. And probably for that reason, I will take forever to clean it. The look is priceless! 🙂

  10. Being a single mom I don’t find the comments to be offensive. I myself have asked a few of these questions. Some are said out of concern because they know many single moms could use some help. Some of them I have never heard and I can imagine they are said out of pure ignorance such as regretting leaving the father.

    As single parents we get questions. Why let it bother you? If you are strong and independent answering the questions is your opportunity to change the image of single parents. If you are less independent and could actually use some help then it is your chance to show that even though we may need help it doesn’t mean we are leaches on society.

    This society isn’t designed for single parents and there is no shame in needing help. The shame comes from within yourself. Be proud that you chose what was best for you and your child – if the relationship was good for you and your child then the shame is on you for leaving it but if it wasn’t then be proud you stood up for what was best.

    • This post was more about awareness than someone taking offense to any particular comment. It was more about realizing what you say before you say it, as you don’t know how people could take it. As you said, a lot of it is said out of pure ignorance, I agree with that completely. I don’t mind having a conversation with someone to answer any questions that they may have, but to assume something about someone or to cast judgment just because they are a single parent (or any other type of parent) is completely unacceptable in my eyes. And it’s one thing to assume something in your mind and to speak it out loud to the person. Yes, as single parents, we do get questions – that I can accept. But I will not be approached with statements and not get upset about it. I am strong and independent but I am human too. And no one wants to feel belittled or disrespected by a statement. And at the moment, my thought is not to change the image of single parents, it is to react. Call it a flaw, but it is what it is. And that’s why I use this blog as a way to encourage, motivate, and inspire single moms, including myself.

      I have absolutely no shame in being a single mom; quite the opposite – I am proud to be a single mom. Others may not feel the same, but I do. But the issue in this post is not about shame, but about being respected and expecting respect from others. I am proud of the choice that I made. Whether it was a good or a bad situation, it doesn’t matter the reason why I left – the shame is not on me or any other single parent for leaving. They made their choice, as did I, and we have to live with that decision. Judgment should not be laid on that individual for making the choice to become a single parent.

      In the end, I believe that this post has done what I intended – for people to think more about what they say and do, and how words impact others. The post was created was directed specifically towards single moms, but it can apply to any person that is different than what has been identified as the norm. Thanks for your comment!

      • I respect your intent in this post. Unfortunately those who respond to us with ignorance or judgment will not care about how their questions or comments affect us – they have already made up their mind about single moms and much of that is because of the image people have of single moms which is why I think it is important to change that image with every opportunity we have.

        We cannot control how others think or speak but we can attempt to control how we react. You can get heated (as you mentioned at the beginning of the post) or you can teach and inform.

        Anyway, my comments are not meant to criticize but to add to the discussion. I agree with many of your points I just don’t see reason to tell others how they should talk to single parents. We don’t like it when others try to tell us how to live our lives correct? We can only control ourselves – and any attempt to tell others how wrong they are only takes away from the points we want to get across.

        • I appreciate you adding to the discussion, it is very much appreciated. I agree, we cannot control how others think or feel; however, it was important to me to address in this post. I believe in teaching and informing those who are receptive to the information. Many people are not, as they have already accepted the perception of single moms that has been imprinted on their minds. However, I do still see the validity in showing people how their words affect others. And many people have reached out to me with that realization and walked away more willing to be aware of the things that they say to others. So my goal has been accomplished!

          Thanks so much for your comment!

          P.S. In no way did I take your comments as criticism, I saw it as a chance to further clarify the purpose of this post. I apologize if it came across in a different light.

  11. I loved this post. I think there are so many well intentioned folks that don’t realize how intrusive questions or statements like these are. The only thing you didn’t hit on for me was the super fantastic “so, since he has her xyz every week you’re not really a “single” mother, more like a co-parent. Right?” Are you kidding me? Financial help (which I do not get) or having her certain days every week does not make me not a single mother. It makes me a single mother who’s lucky enough to have an ex that’s wants to be a part of her life. I am still the one who keeps insurance and records, makes her appointments and takes her to the them. If she’s sick I’m the one who has to call out. Etc…………….. It’s so maddening to have my role trivialized with this statement.

    • Yes!!! I get that sometimes too, and I completely forgot to include it. And you’re absolutely right! My son always goes to his father’s house every other weekend (and recently not at all!) and the child support is very little. But beyond that, I’m all on my own. Like you said, I have to take him to all of the appointments, call out when he’s sick or his school is closed for a few days, or attend every school activity or extracurricular activity on my own. So yes, I’m a single mom! I hate when people do that – they just don’t realize what they’re saying and how it affects others. Thanks for enjoying the post!

  12. Natasha,

    I love you for this post! Although I cannot relate first hand, many of my family members and friends experience the frustration from questions like these. Thank you for keeping it real! People really can be ignorant, and don’t even realize it. It surprises me sometimes.

    Keep up the good work!

    • Thanks so much Chelsea!!! Thanks for understanding, and for realizing the important need for people to watch what they say. Thanks! 🙂

  13. 7!!!!! Oh wow, can’t say enough about number 7. There should be a whole blog post devoted to that one!!

    8 and 11 I’m really feeling too. This list is too funny. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  14. You nailed it! I work as a full time Paramedic and am a single mom of a 3 year old. People say these things all the time

  15. Thank you so much for this post! I hope Im not repeating anything previously posted. Personally, I hate when folks carry the assumption that a child (especially boy) raised by a single mother is spoiled and unruly. Its like they are no longer seen as children who will have a growing phase. It’s almost as if your child is automatically seen as a bad kid in need of a father because the mother can’t “discipline” them, if they do anything wrong. The assumptions people carry can be exhausting and simply wrong.

  16. And just to clarify my previous post, I absolutely believe parents should correct negative behaviors. I just do not believe we should deem some children worthy of a growing phase, while we automatically cast others to the side and give up on them because we label them as “problem kids”. I see that we use various measure sticks to determine whose worthy of acceptance in society. Unfortunately, if you are a single mom or a child of a single parent, you get judged on whether or not society feels you should be accepted or receive help. Often times, we do not get the support we need.

  17. About time I saw someone support single moms!! Love every single one!

  18. A lot of these things have been said to me and it drives me mad!
    I even write a regular Single Parent Spotlight on my blog to show off all the working single mums we have!
    #singleparentlinky

  19. I absolutely love this post.So many of those things ring a bell for me too.

  20. The one thing that I am tired of hearing is, “When are you/don’t you want to have another baby?” And then the questioner seems offended if I say I’m not planning on it. Like I planned to be a single mom the first time around, so I must enjoy it so much as to do it again. No. I don’t want to have another baby on my own. I love my son more than anything but it hasn’t been easy. I’m not in a rush to do it over again.

    • I hear that so often too! Even after I explain that I’m a single mom of 1, and not willing to take the risk of being a single mom of 2, they still get offended.
      They always say – Micah needs a sibling and a friend to grow up with. He needs this, he needs that…and a sibling will do that for him.
      It drives me nuts when people ask that. But I guess they don’t know any better…
      Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  21. Christina says:

    I have to say that I have heard it all. When people tell me things like, I know what your going through, you should get more sleep, or when I I got laid off from my job and was trying to figure out how I was going to make it I had one lady tell me (whom she was married) I am sure you can just live off your savings. That was a damn joke to me because most of us single moms don’t have a savings we can just live on for months. Then when I got a new job I had another woman tell me ( who also was married and worked part time) that wow you look tired, and when I told her I have to be up at 4 a.m. every morning and don’t get home until 6 p.m. and in between have to get kids here and there some way some how but have to work 8 to 5 with over an hour drive to work and almost an hour and a half drive home because of traffic, um yeah I’m tired but I have to take care of my family, which in return she says to me “well welcome to the work world. Which is funny because she works from home and only part time. I could go on and on but I just have to say people who have never been a single mom shut up with your comments or questions. Please don’t tell me you have been in my shoes before when you HAVE NOT. I love being as mom but I really could care a less to hear people who have no idea what its like to try to juggle everything around and make ends meat as a single mom.

    • I can completely relate, Christina, especially the anger and frustration that you’re feeling. So many people have told me that I should be working on finding a husband to help me raise my child, that I should go on vacation more (with what extra money?), I should learn to relax sometimes (when?), and so much more. I have come to the conclusion that I have neither the time nor the patience to entertain what others think of me, my experiences, or my life. Most days, I leave home between 6:30 and 7am, and don’t arrive back home no earlier than 6pm (depending on traffic). It is a hard life but one that I do to make sure that my son is happy and that we have all we need to make it from day to day. Kudos on the great job you’re doing, fellow single mom – I feel your pain!

  22. Christina says:

    I am a single mom and very thankful for my children. I have much love for single moms out there who do it on their own. So to all single moms always remember you are amazing and can do anything when you believe. Make every day a great day and never let anyone tell you differently.

    • Thanks so much for saying this, Christina! I’m sure every single mom (including myself) would appreciate receiving kudos like this! 🙂

  23. Christina says:

    Oh I just love when people tell me about their vacations, which I think is great but when they say to me ” you should go on a vacation like this” I just laugh because I am lucky I make it pay check to pay check. Or I just love the comment of “one day you will maybe get to go somewhere nice” um okay, they act like were all living in a dirt hole and never do anything nice. My way of things that are nice are spending time with my children watching them laugh and learn. Which we do things that don’t cost money or maybe very little money. I just wonder how some of these people would survive if they had to just be a single mom for a month with barley any money and no help. I saw a post about some celebrity the other day about how they are going to live off of I think it was like $9.00 for the week for food. I about fell over laughing because a week of doing that is not going to show them what its like of the real people who are really struggling. I am not trying to sit here and bash on people I am just simply saying that for people out there who don’t know what its like to deal with any of this please keep your two sense comments to yourself. Please don’t tell me you know exactly what its like when you really don’t.

    • You’re so right, Christina. A couple of people told me that when my son gets older, I’ll be able to buy nice things (so my things aren’t nice right now??!!) and I’ll be able to travel to nice places (so my vacations aren’t nice??!). People are really inconsiderate, and they can’t even help saying the inappropriate things that they say. And because they don’t understand your life, they compare yours to theirs, and believe that you must be so unfortunate when really and truly your heart and life is full. Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  24. Wow, people can be so rude. I can’t believe some of the things on this list that people have actually said to you. People should learn to keep their mouth shut if they don’t have anything nice to say at all! It’s like hearing people with no kids give you advice on how to raise your kids. You just don’t know what it’s like until you are experiencing it.

    • Yes, some people really don’t think before they say something to understand the impact on the other person. It’s really sad!
      Exactly! Many people with no kids have given me advice on how to raise my son. Your experience taking care of kids is completely different from raising them. Like you said, you just don’t know until you are experiencing it!
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting! 🙂

  25. michelle says:

    I have numberous friends without children who always invite me out drinking… I’m a single mom… no I don’t want to go get a babysitter so I can get sloshed with you an wake up with a hang over an have to try to take care of my son in that condition… He deserves better than that… yes I’d love to go to dinner an have a beer an talk girl talk…but I see no reason why I need to go to a bar or club to drink myself sick with you

    • I completely agree, Michelle! I don’t mind hanging out either; I do it from time to time. But I’m past those days where I will be getting drunk. Like you said, my son deserves better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts – I really appreciate it! 🙂

  26. Bernadette Strowder says:

    Thank you!!! I can’t believe we still live in the Dark Ages of Society and Church where I still get those questions as IF I need to Prove Im doing the Right Thing-Bless You,You have made my day.

    • Hahahahaha!! Love your comment! You’re so right – single moms should not have to prove themselves to others. We’re figuring it all out just like any other mom!

  27. I found this blog by chance today because I had this guy I like make a statement that just baffled me and enraged me and upset me and he couldn’t seem to understand my problem with the statement and how it could affect a future relationship with him. We were discussing kids because he has kids he raises to and I have my daughter and we were discussing a situation that had happened and i told him how I would handle the situation and my perspective and his response was to he wouldn’t take parenting advice from me since I haven’t been a parent as long as he has and he has more children than I do.

    To me it doesn’t matter how many more years anyone may have in parenting experience we should be able to treat each others as equals and express our opinions or talk to another parent without them feeling we are less of a parent than they are. Everyone is going to have different points of view and different opinions so he could have taken my opinion and stated it as he didn’t want to take my advice which is fine I have nothing against that but to say I have little to no parenting experience because I haven’t been doing it as long as you to me was like completely disrespectful a slap to the face that he could even make that statement.

    I explained to him how I felt about his comment and he just wasn’t getting the picture but how can you expect to have a relationship with someone if feel they are less of a parent than you.

    • You’re right – I would definitely question whether or not I could have a relationship with a person that felt that way. Yes, a person with older children can definitely teach you something; however, every parenting experience is pretty different and it doesn’t make you more or less of a parent because of that. If he feels this way about this particular issue, how will he react in other situations. Will he want to listen to you, or just brush you off for “lack of experience”? You may really want to consider whether or not this is the person you want to be in a relationship with. Thanks so much for reading the post, and for your comment!

  28. Thank you! I am a single mom and I have been getting more irritated lately. I am in the process of buying a house, and I have received several comments asking who helped me. Many are in disbelief when I said I did it alone. Last week someone asked if I had a Man to help me while I was at work. I looked at the gentleman pointed to my boss and said he pays my bills. He looked at me puzzled. I said he gives me a check and I pay my bills, it’s a wonderful arrangement. My boss about lost it since he knows my life is much easier as a single parent and I am very ok with that.

    • It’s amazing what people feel comfortable saying to others! And very irritating!
      Your comeback is priceless though!! Thanks so much for sharing – and for relating to my post! 🙂

  29. Catherine says:

    Hey Natasha I have been a single mother for a year now. I have a 9yr old boy and 1 yr old girl. Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for this experience. Being a single parent is something you have to experience for yourself to know how hard and mentally exhausting day to day life is. There dad is in prison on a drug charge. So I don’t get help from anyone whatsoever. The fact I myself am a recovering addict who was still learning how to live a life free of drugs. Then to throw single mother into mix was incredibly hard for me mentally. I work full time at the VA on my feet for 8 hours. Then I come home and continue my job as a mother. My son plays sports also. I never realized how awesome I am. Looking at all I do I’m so proud of myself. But I get mad at others who don’t see everything I do. Is that normal or wrong of me? I’m always reminding myself that they don’t know because they’ve never been through it. I just can’t help but to get upset when others complain about the littlest things. Also I rely on my 9 year old for so much. He has so much responsibility I feel sometimes I’m taking his childhood. Do any other mothers rely on the older siblings to take on responsibility that is out of their age range? I really beat myself up but he never complains. One last thing I would like to add. The next woman that tells me she might as well be a single mother because the dad don’t do anything around the house might just get slapped. Even if they didn’t do anything they’re still there to help like watch the kids so you can take a poop without wondering if there going to kill each other. He may mow or help carry stuff to and from the car. All the small things that seem to go so unappreciated while married. I suddenly realized meant so much to me. Thank you for reading my story. Any feedback is so appreciated. Thanks

    • First and foremost, I’m so proud of you Catherine! You sound like you are taking on so much, and doing it well!
      Yes, it’s normal to be upset when others complain about little things, but you quickly realize that everyone does not have our experience as a single mom; therefore, those things that we as little is actually big for them. Just continue to realize that you’re amazing for everything you do. You don’t need recognition from anyone else to know how awesome you are!

      I only have one child, and he’s only 4, but he has lots of responsibilities around the house. I just can’t do it all on my own! Plus, it’s always a good to teach your child about responsibility. If you feel like you are giving your son too much responsibility, then you should find a balance and still allow him to have fun, and for you to have fun with him too! There’s no reason why you both can’t enjoy the sillier things from time to time! Being a single mom can make us so serious sometimes – it’s important to include lots of fun and silly into our day, and who best to do it with than our little ones!

      You’re right – you don’t realize how much you appreciated the little things that your significant other did. Even if it was just taking out the trash or bring in groceries or watch your child while you take a shower – all of it is appreciated now that you’re no longer together. However, in time, you find balance in everything you do to make things easier without freaking out in the process.

      Wishing you the utmost best!!! Feel free to reach out anytime! 🙂

  30. I love this and I’m not a single mother, I watched my friend do it along with postnatal depression and I seems almost impossible but shows hpw strong us women are!!

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