As I was driving into work this morning, I was listening to my Spotify playlist (btw I love Spotify) and All of Me by John Legend starting playing. I listened to the words of this beautiful song that John Legend wrote for his beautiful wife, Chrissy Teigen.
Now, I know that they have had some tumultuous times – every couple does at some point – but to write a song saying that you love all of a person is awe-inspiring to me. I do believe that it is possible to find that true person for you that will love everything about you and allow you to be yourself when you have to build up a facade for everyone else. But I wonder sometimes if I will truly be able to find that special person.
I question whether it is more likely that I will find someone who somewhat appreciates and somewhat loves me for the person that I am. Because, let’s admit it…I’m a little nutty, driven, stubborn, and funny. Who can handle all of that? But when I love, I love hard…and I don’t want to put myself out there fully to someone who may eventually break my heart. I feel scarred by my past; it’s not nearly as prevalent as it used to be, but it’s still there. I’m finally starting to feel happy with myself again and feeling that the future is bright for me and Micah. Now that I feel comfortable with us being ok, I’m starting to feel ready to get back in the game again.
Yes, we have to accept that sometimes we will get our hearts broken and we’ll have to kiss some frogs to find our prince. But what if I want to go past all of that and meet that special person for me? Why does it have to be so difficult? I don’t want a boyfriend, I want a husband, a soulmate, a partner in crime, a man who will cuddle me on those cold nights and let me rest my head on his shoulder when I cry my eyes out for no discernible reason, a man who will be there when I need him, who will love Micah with all of his heart as though his own, a man who surprise me even though I hate surprises, a man who will be there through the thick and thin and not even considering running for the hills, and will stay far away when I’m in one of my moods (sorry it will happen), a man who will love all my imperfections, a man who will be all for me as I am for him.
Until I meet him, I will ready my mind and my body for that moment. I need to be ready for this, otherwise, it will just be a waste. I will feel as though it will just be the same, when it can turn out to be a beautiful opportunity. I can’t expect to meet that special one without putting time and effort in building up love and trust in myself. Because if I’m completely honest, I don’t love or trust myself 100% as yet.
So can someone really love me for me? Well, that’s the question, right. But I don’t have an answer. It’s yet to be seen. But I believe that it can happen and I’m willing to take the chance to wait for that person to come into our lives.
