12 Things You Need to Know About Dating a Single Mom

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I was recently told by a friend that he doesn’t date single moms. He said that they have way too much baggage, more than he’s willing to handle. He indicated that he would never pursue a true and meaningful relationship with a single mom. After I completely badgered him to explain if our friendship was true and meaningful, he finally realized that he had somewhat offended me. Although I am a single mom myself, though, I somewhat understood his issue (although I don’t think that single moms have “baggage”) and wanted to point out some things that you should know should you be interested in dating a single mom.

12 Things To Know About Dating a Single Mom

In 2013, I shared a post on my blog focused on dating as a single mom. Today, I want to mix it up a little bit and share tips for those interested in (or currently) dating a single mom.

1. Single moms do not have baggage.

Something about the term “baggage” as it relates to being a single mom bugs the heck out of me. Yes, I’ve been in a relationship that didn’t work out, and I have a child that I’m raising on my own. Yes, I have tons of bills to pay and I live on my own. That doesn’t sound like baggage to me – I’m an adult with responsibilities. If I’m considered to have baggage, then maybe we don’t need this conversation to go any further.

2. Single moms are looking for a relationship, just like you are.

Just because I’m a single mom doesn’t mean that I want to be alone forever. Quite the opposite! I want to be in a relationship just like other people. The only difference is that I have more to think through because I have a child. I need to be more cautious about who I’m going to be with and who I’m going to have around my child.

3. Be real with a single mom, because she’ll be real with you.

I have no time for games or coming up with lies about my life.  I don’t want to have to use up brain power on a lie (I have to use too much on raising my child and making sure that he becomes a civil and productive citizen). Be real with a single mom and she’ll be real with you. She has no time to be anyone other than herself, and you shouldn’t be anyone other than yourself either.

4. Single moms are busy, so be ready to be flexible and patient.

Dates may have to be rescheduled. Phone calls may have to end early. Dates may have to be cut short. You will be put on the back burner from time to time due to her children, her family and friends, her job, her social life. Single moms have many obligations that require her to be split in numerous different ways. Therefore, you have to be willing to be flexible to handle all of the changes. If you initially say that you can handle it, but then realize later on that you can’t, let her know.  No need to waste her time or yours.

5. If you’re interested, say so. If you’re not, say so too.

As a single mom, we don’t waste time. We have lots to do, and not a lot of time to do it. When she’s interested in someone, she almost knows right away. You’ll have to do the same. Decide if you’re interested enough to move forward, and continue to be honest with her about your feelings even if it’s to say that you’re no longer interested.

6. Don’t pity her. Single moms are stronger than you know.

Yes, she’s gone through it. Yes, she is raising her child on her own. But a single mom does not need your pity. She is strong-willed, courageous, and stronger than you’ll ever know or understand. You should give her respect and adoration. A single mom needs you to be different from the every day person looking down on her or pitying her – she needs you to show her that you are excited to be there and anxious for what comes next.

7. Don’t pressure a single mom to meet her kids.

Just because I have a child doesn’t mean that you will meet them. You have to pass through my initial scan before you can ever meet my son. And if that day ever happens, if he doesn’t like you, then that’s a problem. You will have to work pretty hard to get to that point, though, so focus on making her happy rather than focusing on meeting her children.

8. A single mom is analyzing you at almost every moment.

A single mom will want to confirm that they’ve made a good choice in selecting you for a date. She will spend lots of time analyzing you through conversation and also just through visual observation. Stay on your p’s and q’s, and make sure that you are being yourself. If you give off an inkling that you’re lying, she will spot it and avoid going out with you again. Be yourself and prove your worth.

9. Don’t ask about a single mom’s ex.

I was in a relationship and it ended. That’s as much as you really need to know. A single mom goes through a period of time where she wants to share her past experiences, but she gets over it and no longer wants to talk about it. Her ex is not important in the grand scheme of things. The two of you should be getting to know each other – not her ex.

10. Don’t assume you’re getting any.

Possibly the number one issue with men dating single moms is that they will probably get sex right away. That is definitely not the case. Single moms are not easy. Regardless of the reasons why she’s a single mom, she’s not ready to just jump back in the sack with just about anyone. Most single moms go through that phase, and that’s not a date – it’s a booty call. So for her to be at the point where she’s dating says that she’s through that and wants more out of a relationship. Therefore, don’t rush to assume that you’re going to get sex after your date, and both of you will be better off.

11. Single moms are not dating you for your money.

Don’t get me wrong – money is always a good thing to have. But I’m not dating you because you do or don’t have money, nor is she dating you so you can take care of her and her children. She’s doing that all on her own. She is dating you (or interested in dating you) because she likes you – nothing more, nothing less. There are some money-grubbers out there, but single moms rarely fall into that category. She will make it work on her own, with or without you.

12. Single moms are not the pariah they are made out to be.

Single moms are not these blood-sucking scary creatures that are poverty-stricken and planning to take down the economy, as so many articles, or society as a whole, portrays.  We are every day people that have gone through a situation with their child’s father and have since moved on and started a new life. She is looking for love and attention as any other woman would desire. Don’t let your preconceived notions of single moms allow you to miss the opportunity to miss someone great.

About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. I think this is an awesome post but I disagree somewhat on a few things and here is why. Some single mothers do carry baggage and a lot. They bring to their new connections things and behaviors and attitudes and expectations from their past. Though the word baggage is heavy truth is truth and it is real. But we don’t have to give it the power if we, once we are ready to start dating on clear on what we have to offer and are bringing to the table.

    Dating a single mother is no joke. It is not like dating a single woman. When single women are dating yes it’s for fun just like the rest if the world but it is also to connect with a potential mate so I agree patience and clear intent is needed. I believe though that if as women we set out to just have fun then so be it but if it’s to truly connect then we must be careful with the quality we surround ourselves with.

    As a single mom it is very important for our kids to meet who we are investing time with, now am I saying two days in bring him home, no. I do feel that after a month or so a casual lunch, quick drop by meet is a must. If your child or children don’t feel this person it’s all down hill from there. So I think to save time the meet should be sooner than later and if he comments on it it’s an awesome start.

    Single moms should and must analyze but be open, perfectly imperfect is nice too. Don’t set the expectations so high that no one can’t meet them.

    If man you are dating and this goes for several dates not the first date, you should talk about ex’s to some degree. This is how you will grow. Now I’m not saying spill all the beans but I myself want to hear this guys story. I want to hear how he expresses himself about his past. If everything is negative and he only has bad things to say of his ex…be alert.

    I think expecting to get quick lay is due to fact that we already have kids and are grown and males feel no need to court, but again if you set your intent from the start than getting some quickly won’t even be an issue. Plus I also believe in chemistry to I don’t judge too harshly.

    Dating for your money, no not necessarily but as a single mom we must be realistic and date men that are established and not trying to find themselves. You have to carry your own weight and bring something to the table. Dating a single mom is an instant family and financial security is important.

    Just my thoughts, sorry a little wordy but loved topic!!! great post Natasha xo

    • Have I mentioned that I love you Mari??!! 🙂 LOL You always challenge me to think harder and clearer. I really appreciate that!
      A lot of the points that you have made relate to my other post, Dating as a Single Mom, which points out all the things that us as single moms should do and focus on when we are dating. This post is more focused on what one can expect when dating a single mom.

      Yes, some single mothers carry baggage – relationship baggage, family baggage, etc. What I was trying to say is that we all have baggage in some way, shape, or form. We all bring something into the relationship from our past. To say that you won’t date a single mom because of her baggage is just like saying you won’t date at all. Because they have baggage too! To avoid dating any person because of their baggage is unrealistic.

      Dating a single mother is no joke – I have very clear expectations in what I’m looking for in a relationship, and that to some limit has prevented me from really pursuing a relationship. I agree with you – we have to walk into the dating game with an understanding of whether it is just for fun or if we’re seeking our soulmate. If we don’t, then we end up with something that we’re not looking for and the potential of hurting ourselves and others.

      Yes, it is very important for our kids to meet the person that we’re dating. But like you said, it shouldn’t be day 1. Give it time (possibly a month) before introducing him to your child. Because your child is a definite factor in whether the relationship goes anywhere. Asking about meeting your child is one thing but I’ve had guys really trying to pressure me into meeting my son when I was definitely not ready. It was maybe the 2nd or 3rd date. Needless to say, I didn’t pursue those relationships any further. I just didn’t feel comfortable with them consistently asking to meet my son. It will happen in time, but don’t rush it.

      The quick lay – always a fun topic. Yes, single moms have kids and are grown and yes, men don’t feel the need to court because of this. But that’s why it’s even more important to me to hold off on sex. But it goes back to your intent, as you’ve mentioned. My intent is to meet someone to have a long-term relationship with, not just for fun. So I guess that’s the perspective that I was speaking from.

      I completely agree with your comment about dating for money. It’s true – we do want a man that is established, not one that is still trying to find themselves. You have to be able to bring something to the table. But in some instances, men believe that single moms want to date them so they can stay at home and take care of their children. They sometimes don’t believe that single moms are looking for someone to come together to build a happy life and solid foundation.

      Thanks so much for your comment – I always love reading them! 🙂

  2. I agree with everything you have said it’s very hard to find someone that will except you and your children and when you do find that person it’s a great feeling as I have realised I have been with my partner for only 7 months but he is great with my children he treats them like his own and the kids absolutely love him and treats him like their own father and he treats me as I should be treated not just like a ” single mum with baggage” I never thought I would find someone who treated us like he das, I thought it was a fairy tale thing

    • I am so glad to hear that you have found someone so great, Ara. I believe in my heart that there is someone out there for everyone, and I’m glad that you have found someone who not only loves you but loves your children. This is a great asset! Wishing the best for you and your future!

  3. I just loved your post! I wanted to add number 13!

    Single moms are not going to raise you!
    From my experience so far at being a single mama is that many guys out there see that you have it put together. You have a Job and a home and you can take care of yourself and they instantly assume that if they get in a relationship with you they have it made. They figure you can take care of them too. Well news Flash they already have one child ( or more ) that they are raising they want a lover, a partner and a friend. Not you acting like a child. So if you want a mama Go Back to your own!

    haha that is my view but you are spot on with yours!
    Thanks a ton!!

    • Love this Bellah!!!!! It’s so true – us single moms already have children to raise, we don’t have time to raise you too! Thanks so much for sharing the official #13! 🙂

  4. Jourdan says:

    SO MUCH YES! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!

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