It is tough to watch your ex move on after a breakup, yet you are still single.
If you were broken up with, you’re probably still questioning the breakup. Why did this happen? Will I find someone else? What did I do? In many cases, you may still have feelings for your ex. You may be angry and hurt by the breakup, and it becomes exponentially worse because they have moved on. You may judge whether or not you’ll ever get over these feelings and how you’ll be able to deal with the breakup.
All of this can be compounded if you have a child with your ex…
There are even more questions that come up in this situation. Why won’t he even make it work for the sake of our child? Doesn’t he care about me or our child? Will the new relationship create an impact on his relationship with our child? What if she doesn’t want him to be a part of our child’s life? Will I have to be a single mom? Will I have to deal with this man in some way, shape, or form for the rest of my life?
I have had numerous fellow single moms ask how to cope when their ex has moved on. Here are some ways to cope with your child’s father moving on while you’re still single…
1. Come to terms with the fact that he has moved on.
The quicker you come to terms with the fact that he has moved on, the better. It does nothing for you, nor your child, if you spend your time dwelling on something that you cannot control. If he broke up with you, learn to accept it. And if you broke up with him, then why are you dwelling on it! Sometimes it’s not even about the fact that he moved on or that you wanted a relationship with him, it’s about the fact that he found someone else and you are still alone. Come to terms with the fact that he has moved on – and move on too.
2. Embrace your emotions, but don’t let it overwhelm you.
Allow yourself to experience your emotions on the loss of the relationship, but don’t let it take over your daily life. If you are focusing on the breakup every minute of every day, it is starting to become unhealthy. You definitely need to check your feelings.
3. Focus on your child, not the relationship.
Now that your baby daddy has moved on, it’s time for you to move on too. But not to the next relationship, but to the care of your child. Your focus should be on your child, anyway, but even more so now that he has moved on. It’s unsure if he will be impacted by the new relationship and no longer be engaged with your child, if he had previously been active in your child’s life. Or if he’s not an active parent, he could slip further away. This is the time for you to focus on your child and make sure they have everything they need emotionally. You never know which way it will go, so you need to start focusing on your child and be prepared to comfort your child should it be necessary.
4. Don’t rush on to the next relationship. Give yourself time to grieve and heal.
It may seem instinctual to start your process to move on if you haven’t done so already, but it’s really a bad idea. Just because he moved on doesn’t mean you have to move on too. Take your time, find yourself, and figure out what you’re looking for in the next relationship. Don’t rush on to the next relationship to prove to yourself that you are attractive or could find someone to love you. That’s a really bad idea. When we go searching, we rarely find what we’re looking for – we tend to end up with the opposite. You’ll be settling if you rush into the next relationship. Take your time.
5. Cut off all forms of communication.
Facebook can sometimes be your best friend, but most often it’s your worst enemy. Don’t look at your ex’s Facebook page to see if he shows a relationship status change. Don’t look for pictures online of him with his new significant other. Don’t do it to yourself! Yes, you have to communicate with him because you have a child together, but nothing more. Unfriend or unlike him as needed – just don’t keep checking out his page reminiscing or worrying about what he’ll post.
7. Work on building a positive co-parenting relationship with both your child’s father and his significant other.
Start thinking about your co-parenting plan with your son’s father, especially because now it involves not only him but his new significant other. Now that he has a new relationship, you have to define new standards. Depending on how deep the relationship is, you have to consider multiple factors. And most importantly, you have to begin sharing these thoughts with your child’s father so you can move down the road towards a positive co-parenting relationship.
8. Connect with your friends.
During most relationships, we tend to neglect our friends a little bit. It’s time for you to reconnect with your friends, and start having some innocent fun. Hang out with your friends and have lunch or drinks. Laugh and joke about old times. Refresh your spirit with your friends, as only your friends can truly do.
9. Do something just for you.
Go to the spa, check out a new movie, get a manicure and pedicure – do something just for you. It will make you feel better…and it will distract you for a few hours. Plus, it’s a good thing to do something for yourself every now and then.
In the end, no breakup is easy…and it’s never easy when he has moved on, while you’re still single. There will be times where you cannot control your emotions and say or do something out of the norm. However, keep it to a minimum. You can no longer focus on your relationship with him, you have to switch gears and work on building a co-parenting relationship with him, his new significant other, and your child. And work on yourself. If you keep this focus in mind, it will make the experience a little bit more tolerable.