My baby’s father left the U.S. when my son was one month old. We had hoped to still keep working things together but I broke things off because he either refused to help or only gave excuses when I asked. I have had to move to a different state with nothing more to my name than my son and, while I am very grateful for my parents for allowing my son and I to stay, I am so very angry with him. He has sent me a message saying he wants to talk things through and come down for his birthday but I do not want to see him. He only expresses an interest in my son when I need help from him and it makes me feel like he’s using him as a bargaining chip. I am looking into the courts for child support help from him but that can take months. Is there anything I can do right now, because I cannot deal with him with a calm mind right now and am at a complete loss for what to do about dealing with him anymore.
EPIC MOMMY RESPONSES:
It sounds like you have a lot of resentment towards him for the lack of involvement with your child. And that is completely understandable. You are in a position where you feel that you are sacrificing it all, only for him to be using your child as a bargaining chip to work his way back into your life. You are angry, frustrated, and downright furious at times. I completely understand. You honestly need the time to come to terms with the fact that he is not the man that both you and your son deserves. Take the time to do so. Do not engage with him, don’t ask him for anything – give yourself some time.
If you are working on child support help, keep focusing on that, and even work on developing a visitation schedule. Allow these court-related items to create some stability for you and your child, and when the time is right, begin to engage your son’s father again with developing a healthy co-parenting relationship. You can’t do that in your current state, and obviously he’s not ready because he is not doing the things needed to make it work.
So to answer your question, “Is there anything I can do right now?”, the answer is simple – Work on you! Appreciate the fact that your parents have allowed you and your son to stay there. Work on your own happiness with your parents and with your son. Realize that he may never be the partner or father that he needs to be, and that you honestly can’t do anything to change that. You need to focus on this new life that you have with your son…and most importantly, treasure it. Children grow up so quickly, and you don’t want to miss any opportunity focusing on what his father should or should not be doing.
Wishing you the very best! Feel free to reach out any time.
There really isn’t much you can do but come to terms that he is not the man you want him to be as far as a partner or father. Come to terms with that reality and change your perspective and one day at a time you can begin to build a new life for your son and yourself. If your family is willing to continue to help then I would use that help to get paperwork started for child support and to get you on your feet. One day at a time and best of luck.
How would you handle this situation?
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Hello I’m Mari and I love sharing uplifting information. I started Living in Mommywood, back in August 2013 in hopes of sharing a laid back approach to all things parenting related. I have a beautiful daughter named Erica who’s a college student. I have a passion for Yoga, Meditation and laughing among other things.
Live Love Laugh is my motto.
This post is part of the Ask Epic Mommy series, focused on providing tips to help single parents…and all parents overall.
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