Hiya I have never wrote in sites before it even know this is safe or worthwhile? But I’m so lost when it comes to my baby daddy I have no one to talk to properly as everyone around me seems to have perfect baby daddy’s. My child’s father is a great dad when he wants to be but its only ever me making him take my daughter I’m always the one to ask and a lot of the time he makes excuses. When he takes her it has to be in my place as he has been in trouble with drugs and I won’t allow her over in his place but I do know he does not do drugs no more as he is having urine tests but I believe he still deals drugs.. He has never paid a cent towards her and I’m just at the end of my tether with it all it’s so stressful.. I love my child but it is hard.. He has let her down once to often and I feel with everything going on I’m left with no choice but to deny him seeing her but that’s breaking my heart but it’s just an endless vicious circle with him and he knows he walks over me which makes it worse I feel if I stop him seeing her he will just not bother trying but I’m hoping it might open his eyes although it will prob just be me fighting a pointless battle please just give me some advice or words of encouragement.
EPIC MOMMY RESPONSES:
Trust me, being a parent overall is possibly one of the hardest things that any of us will ever do in our lives. It is one of pain, happiness, tears, frustration, and joy beyond measure. Being a single parent is that much harder to handle, but equally as rewarding. I’m reading your question, and honestly it breaks my heart. I hate to hear that you are going through this.
Realize that you’re in the first step in recognizing what to do next – you are aware of the problem. Now, you have to work on fixing it. Because this pattern of him running all over you will only continue, and your daughter will eventually learn that it is acceptable for her to be dealt with in this way by a man. Let that marinate a bit. What happens in front of your child will become the norm for how your child expects to be normal.
Although it’s hard, you have to continue doing the right thing by your daughter. If you suspect he’s still around drugs, continue to allow him to be around your daughter only at your house. When he does mention that he’s coming by, don’t let your daughter now. That way, if he does show up, it’s a beautiful surprise for her and if he doesn’t show up, she was none the wiser. The end goal is to keep your child happy, healthy, and active; and you can’t do that if you’re breaking down.
Give him an ultimatum – either he gets his act together or you will have to stop allowing him to see your child. Make him realize that as she gets older, it will become more difficult to shield her from his let-downs.
He’s not supporting her financially, and that’s an issue you have to resolve right away. I know a lot of people shy away from child support, but why do you have it do it all on your own? He is equally responsible for her life and well-being. This is possibly one of the only ways that you can make him responsible for your daughter.
Be good to yourself, and be good to your daughter. Be the strong mom that I can sense that you are. I know it’s hard, but I promise you in the long run, it will all be worth it. Continue loving your daughter as hard as you are, and find some love for yourself too!
Wishing you the very best! Feel free to reach out any time.
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Hello I’m Mari and I love sharing uplifting information. I started Living in Mommywood, back in August 2013 in hopes of sharing a laid back approach to all things parenting related. I have a beautiful daughter named Erica who’s a college student. I have a passion for Yoga, Meditation and laughing among other things.
Live Love Laugh is my motto.
This post is part of the Ask Epic Mommy series, focused on providing tips to help single parents…and all parents overall.
I hope you enjoyed this post and future posts!
One of the things that I’ve heard from fellow single parents is that they fear judgment from others, whether through blog comments or in person. I want to create somewhat of a safe haven for fellow single parents and other parents to share their thoughts, issues, and concerns without fearing judgment. Because we always need somewhere to go to talk to someone that understands what we’re going through. Every week, it will be a little different. I will be sharing my own posts focused on single motherhood, co-parenting, and much more, along with advice for other single parents. Additionally, I’ll be sharing stories from other single parents, and we can all learn and grow together. If this series becomes popular as I plan it to be, I intend to open a Facebook group for even further discussion and inspiration. I’m also looking for contributors on this series, so if you’re interested in joining the team, please let me know!