Ask Epic Mommy: My Child’s Father Has Been Clean For One Month and Wants To See Our Child..What Should I Do? | Epic Mommy Adventures

Ask Epic Mommy: My Child’s Father Has Been Clean For One Month and Wants To See Our Child..What Should I Do?

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Dear New Single Mom...

Ask Epic Mommy - Clean for One Month

QUESTION:

Hi, I am a fairly new single mom to a soon to be 3 year old little boy. I left my son’s father a few months ago because I found out he was doing drugs. Since that time he has been in and out of jail for theft. He has stolen from me. We were together for 13 years and never held down any job. I always supported both of us. Then our son came along and you would of thought he would have grown up but no he got worse!! He wrecked 3 of my vehicles in 2 years and I found out he was doing drugs. So I left and he has seen our son twice in the past 7 months. Now he is on probation and is living with his mom. He says he’s been “clean” for the past month and wants to see our son but I am resistant because I can’t believe anything he says. Also my son asks about him every so often, what do you tell a 3 year old in this situation? Oh did I mention his mom enables him and she just let’s him take advantage of her they are both suffering from mental illnesses and I don’t think it would be the best place for my son to be. But I don’t want him to resent me when he gets older for not letting him see his father!! I know it breaks my heart when my son asks about him but I don’t know what to say to him. What would you do? Please help thank you for letting me vent to you.

EPIC MOMMY RESPONSES:

First off, let me start by asking – how are you and your son? Are the two of you doing well?   I would really like to know how you are doing throughout this ordeal.
I applaud you for leaving your son’s father due to him taking drugs.  I know it was presumably difficult, especially with the two of you being together for 13 year.  However, I see the move that you made an important one for your child’s well-being.  Your son does not need to be exposed to such negative behavior.  He needs to be in an environment where he will thrive.  With your son’s father being in and out of jail, and with his and his mother’s mental illness, I would not recommend allowing your child to visit, especially unsupervised.
You need to have a very important conversation with your son.  You have to explain why his father cannot come to see him, in terms that he can understand.  Ask your son if he would be interested in having scheduled phone calls with his father, and try to set up on a recurring basis.  Thereby, there is still a connection between your son and his father.  This will help with your son’s question, and also determine how interested your son’s father is in spending time with your son.
Yes, there may be some resentment in the future from your child.   I have those same concerns myself when it comes to my son and my son’s father.  However, the most important thing is to keep your child safe from that negative behavior, and ensure that he will be well-taken care of at all times.
I hope this helps! Wishing you the very best!

How would you handle this situation?

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This post is part of the Ask Epic Mommy series, focused on providing tips to help single parents…and all parents overall.
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One of the things that I’ve heard from fellow single parents is that they fear judgment from others, whether through blog comments or in person. I want to create somewhat of a safe haven for fellow single parents and other parents to share their thoughts, issues, and concerns without fearing judgment. Because we always need somewhere to go to talk to someone that understands what we’re going through. Every week, it will be a little different. I will be sharing my own posts focused on single motherhood, co-parenting, and much more, along with advice for other single parents. Additionally, I’ll be sharing stories from other single parents, and we can all learn and grow together. If this series becomes popular as I plan it to be, I intend to open a Facebook group for even further discussion and inspiration. I’m also looking for contributors on this series, so if you’re interested in joining the team, please let me know!

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About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. I completely agree with your point that you have to do what is best for the child first. Maybe it would be possible for her to arrange to see him in a public place first without the child so she can better judge his state?

    • Great point Alexandra! She should definitely try to set up some time with her child’s father to feel out the situation. Then, she would be able to get a better understanding of what to do next. Thanks for the suggestion.

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