My Baby Daddy Moved On…and I’m Still Single!

Solo Parenting: How Single Moms Can Use Technology to Connect With Their Kids {Guest Post}
I Can't Take It Anymore! : Tips to End Baby Daddy Drama - Part 2

It is tough to watch your ex move on after a breakup, yet you are still single.

If you were broken up with, you’re probably still questioning the breakup. Why did this happen? Will I find someone else? What did I do?  In many cases, you may still have feelings for your ex. You may be angry and hurt by the breakup, and it becomes exponentially worse because they have moved on. You may judge whether or not you’ll ever get over these feelings and how you’ll be able to deal with the breakup.

All of this can be compounded if you have a child with your ex…

There are even more questions that come up in this situation.  Why won’t he even make it work for the sake of our child? Doesn’t he care about me or our child? Will the new relationship create an impact on his relationship with our child? What if she doesn’t want him to be a part of our child’s life? Will I have to be a single mom? Will I have to deal with this man in some way, shape, or form for the rest of my life?

My Baby Daddy Moved On...and I'm Still

I have had numerous fellow single moms ask how to cope when their ex has moved on.  Here are some ways to cope with your child’s father moving on while you’re still single…

1.  Come to terms with the fact that he has moved on.

The quicker you come to terms with the fact that he has moved on, the better. It does nothing for you, nor your child, if you spend your time dwelling on something that you cannot control. If he broke up with you, learn to accept it. And if you broke up with him, then why are you dwelling on it! Sometimes it’s not even about the fact that he moved on or that you wanted a relationship with him, it’s about the fact that he found someone else and you are still alone. Come to terms with the fact that he has moved on – and move on too.

2. Embrace your emotions, but don’t let it overwhelm you.

Allow yourself to experience your emotions on the loss of the relationship, but don’t let it take over your daily life. If you are focusing on the breakup every minute of every day, it is starting to become unhealthy.  You definitely need to check your feelings.

3. Focus on your child, not the relationship.

Now that your baby daddy has moved on, it’s time for you to move on too. But not to the next relationship, but to the care of your child.  Your focus should be on your child, anyway, but even more so now that he has moved on.  It’s unsure if he will be impacted by the new relationship and no longer be engaged with your child, if he had previously been active in your child’s life. Or if he’s not an active parent, he could slip further away. This is the time for you to focus on your child and make sure they have everything they need emotionally.  You never know which way it will go, so you need to start focusing on your child and be prepared to comfort your child should it be necessary.

4. Don’t rush on to the next relationship.  Give yourself time to grieve and heal.

It may seem instinctual to start your process to move on if you haven’t done so already, but it’s really a bad idea.  Just because he moved on doesn’t mean you have to move on too. Take your time, find yourself, and figure out what you’re looking for in the next relationship.  Don’t rush on to the next relationship to prove to yourself that you are attractive or could find someone to love you.  That’s a really bad idea. When we go searching, we rarely find what we’re looking for – we tend to end up with the opposite.  You’ll be settling if you rush into the next relationship. Take your time.

5. Cut off all forms of communication.

Facebook can sometimes be your best friend, but most often it’s your worst enemy.  Don’t look at your ex’s Facebook page to see if he shows a relationship status change. Don’t look for pictures online of him with his new significant other.  Don’t do it to yourself! Yes, you have to communicate with him because you have a child together, but nothing more.  Unfriend or unlike him as needed – just don’t keep checking out his page reminiscing or worrying about what he’ll post.

7. Work on building a positive co-parenting relationship with both your child’s father and his significant other. 

Start thinking about your co-parenting plan with your son’s father, especially because now it involves not only him but his new significant other.  Now that he has a new relationship, you have to define new standards. Depending on how deep the relationship is, you have to consider multiple factors. And most importantly, you have to begin sharing these thoughts with your child’s father so you can move down the road towards a positive co-parenting relationship.

8. Connect with your friends. 

During most relationships, we tend to neglect our friends a little bit. It’s time for you to reconnect with your friends, and start having some innocent fun.  Hang out with your friends and have lunch or drinks. Laugh and joke about old times. Refresh your spirit with your friends, as only your friends can truly do.

9. Do something just for you.

Go to the spa, check out a new movie, get a manicure and pedicure – do something just for you. It will make you feel better…and it will distract you for a few hours.  Plus, it’s a good thing to do something for yourself every now and then.

 

In the end, no breakup is easy…and it’s never easy when he has moved on, while you’re still single.  There will be times where you cannot control your emotions and say or do something out of the norm.  However, keep it to a minimum.  You can no longer focus on your relationship with him, you have to switch gears and work on building a co-parenting relationship with him, his new significant other, and your child. And work on yourself. If you keep this focus in mind, it will make the experience a little bit more tolerable.

 

About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever been in this situation, but these sound like awesome tips!

  2. Well… I’m in the same boat but the difference is I don’t want him back… I wouldn’t have him back…. He left me and his daughter in 2008 two weeks before Christmas for another woman… There relationship lasted 4 years…. He want let me meet any of his girlfriends…. Anyway, I felt like if this woman going to be around my daughter, I need to meet her… He tells them bad things about me…..he was abusive verbally, emotionally, and mentally and hit me once when I was 6 months with his child… I grieved and was sad because he left… But to be honest I’m glad he left because I would probably end up in a crazy house.. I look at it as a blessing from GOD because even though I was going through the lies, cheating and abuse with him u didn’t want to be a single mom raising a child by myself so I settled and took abuse and my self esteem was so low… I cried and cried and was very unhappy with this man but GoD allowed him to leave because that’s not who God has for me… My babydaddy is somebody else problem… But the co-parenting part… I tried that so I gave it to God because it’s not my responsibility to try to get a man “boy” to be in his child life… That’s his lost… Yes he has a different girlfriend now and it bothers me because he has these strange women.. Different women around my daughter and he knows that these relationships he has with these different women will not last until he get his mind set that he wants to do right…. Even though he tries his best to get with me sexually… I will not allow because it causes more pain in your life… So I focus on my daughter and I don’t worry about him… All his attention is on the new chick and I don’t push it anymore that he should spend time with his daughter…. She’s six now… He was 6 months when he left… Thank God!!! So let it be about the child and you…. Fix yourself up… Go back to school and do something that makes you happy… That’s what I’m doing now… Let it be about you and your child…. Good things come to those who wait…. Mr. Right will be in your life soon:-)

    • Oh trust me, I completely understand. I definitely don’t want my son’s father back either. This post was to help those that are trying to cope – even though I’m fine! 🙂
      And I agree with you, it’s really a blessing that he left you. You did not need to be subjected to that abuse, and neither did your daughter. And I also agree that it is his responsibility to want to be in his child’s life. That’s what I say about my son’s father. I believe it is our responsibility to foster the relationship if he wants it to exist (especially if our child is really young), but if it doesn’t and he is not interested, then it’s time to move on. And you sound like you’re doing all the right things – focus on you and your child, better yourself, and keep on moving. Thanks so much for sharing your own story! Wishing you the very best in everything you do! 🙂

    • Cheyenne ward says:

      Hey ramona i really liked your story it kind of reminds me a littke bit of myself but with my relationship i was very confused but i may need some advice… The man i was with i feel is so wonderful and just by the mere fact that he wants to be in his childs life but when i say i was very confused with our relationship it means that i spent basically 4 months pregnant 14 hours away with out him he woukd promise me all the time he would move to where i lived but he had so many court issues and i was so devasted when i quit college to moveback to my home town just to be with him… I had to live with my dad because my kids fsther did not have an apt provided for our son and me which i thoght okay you know this will blow by and he will get a place… In the end it turned out i was the one who was pregnant i should be providing the place such as public housing. I tokd him from the start he is 7 years older than me he shkuld have done this for his family and dont get me wrong he worked and worked and worked but then i was stuck sneeking him in to my dads one bedroom apt everynight where i know he couldnt take a shower or anything or use the bathroom and i felt bad because he would still come there but let me say this i worked all the time and i dont think men know how hard it is to be pregnant but he would always ask me to cook food for him somr nights i would other nights i woukd be too tired sone nights i gsve him attitude for it but i did this because i was tired i coukd bsreky stand i dont have a stove to cook on and i was over 6 months pregnant is it my faukt that i didnt wsnt to cook at letd say 10 at night? I know he worked a long days and i felt bad that i gave him attitude about it but i was tired too… Another thing we would have argumentd all thr time and sometimes not even abot anything but they would get really bad does that mean we dont belong together im not sure… It was just a crazy relationship with a lot of problems but he claims he trwated me good and that i dont deserve him… And in the end i made a really bad mistaje while being pregnant and hung out with my ex and kissed him so i chested on my kids fsther snd i know that breaks so much trust and now he went back to his ex girlfriend but all i want is a famiky and he telks me he still loves me but i believe he is never going to pick me over her because she apparentky treats him better… Which im not doubting the girl is a whole different story which i will talk abot another time if anyone asks me but my last question is do i still have any hope that he could get past that one mistake and realize ill never make the same mistske again and just be a fsmily with me?

    • Ramos- thank you You have put my situation in words I have lived your life we must be twin souls!!
      I noticed it brought up so many abandonment issues for me as my own father did the same. I remember when I was 12 he sent me to the shop to buy 10 Valentines cards for all his different women. I guess we unconsciously look for a similar situation as adults to try to “fix” the childhood wound. Anyway thanks for sharing your story & more power to you
      Hugs X

    • Hello, I just woke up and felt really sad about some things how I wish the father could help me and be a good example but he is so busy being with all these woman and doing whatever, I just wish he’d help raise our kids, and yes, i moved to a new place for the better, and he don’t know where I live because he was very abusive, mainly physical and mental and emotional,,, but I just want help with our two children we have, and he does just want sex from me, I refuse it every time, so I think that’s why he is not involved with our kids, he left me when I i found out I was pregnant with our second child our son,,, , but I was really sad and now, I’m ok, I was sad for a long time, just need help and want a good example for our kids, !!! A Father figure

  3. This is great, Natasha– I’m sharing it from the ShareBank today on G+. I don’t have a “baby daddy” ex but I do have an ex, and I know how strange it can be when they move on. More power to you for helping others in the same situation. It’s a great way to cope!

  4. Great tips. I totally agree with them, especially focussing on your child and not rushing into another relationship!
    Its been two years for me now though so I want to actually meet a man now!

    Thanks for joining my #singleparentlinky

  5. Hello i found this page just in time me an my daughters father just broke up.. i still love him but the relationship was chaos he didnt do anything for me or our daughter stayed with my family rent free an when he did get a job still didnt want to help he talked to other girls when we had arguments even cheated on me, but i wanted the relationship to work an still kept taking him back but realised its time to move on we only broke up a week ago but hes already talking to other girls an living the child free life i am my daughters rock an will continue to be just that..i was trying to make the relationship work for 3years an im now realizing its time to move on im still hurt an i love him but i know whats best for me an my daughter but i love reading your advice gives me hope that it will get better

    • I can completely understand where you’re coming from, Tiffany. As moms, we try to make the sacrifice to keep the relationship going in order to keep the family unit intact for your child. But in time, you realize that it is just not worth it. I did the same thing with my son’s father, and it took very extensive circumstances for me to realize that it is not worth it. I’m incredibly proud of you for coming to that realization and making the change for your daughter. It is an extremely brave step on your part. One of the most difficult things to see is your child’s father living child-free with no responsibility for the life that they are partly responsible for creating. Keep your head up, stay strong, and you and your daughter will be just fine. I’m not sure your current situation, but I would definitely recommend filing for child support. Your daughter’s father should be accountable in some way for your daughter – she deserves financial support from both parents. Wishing you the best! Feel free to e-mail me anytime at 1epicmommy@gmail.com. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • Tiffany Reed says:

      Its not worth it, move on and live your life in the long run you will be rewarded . Re gain your energy on you and your child you will soon loose interest in him. Dont jump into another relationship, give your self time to heal. Do not call him or engage with any other related activity with him. You the boss lady , and you in control of the situation. I’ve learn from my past relationship with my child’s father is to stay humble and do not let him know anything about your personal life it kills his ego. Do not react or feed into his drama he will wonder if its the same women he left .

  6. been reading all your posts to guide me through this hard times with my baby daddy… and it really helps a lot… thank u!! 🙂

  7. Hi…..thanks for the tips. My son’s father left me and his son over a year ago. He’s just about 40 years old and we were together for 7 years, buying a house and getting married. He called it off because we were fighting too much, he claimed he felt disrespected, we were overwhelmed, stressed out, etc. I’m not saying I was perfect but I was working, going to school and caring for our 1 year old. He had free time to himself and enjoyed his own activities while not affording me any time to myself. He worked hard (as do I) but I also did EVERYTHING at home. I didn’t fight him on the break up, not because I didn’t love him, but because I feel that if someone tells you they no longer want to be with you – they’ve already got their mind made up. Fast forward over a year, and I’m living on my own, bought a house, still in school, etc. But of course, I’ve still loved him all this time – I’ve just focused on myself and my son. All the while I have hoped his Dad came to his senses, and by his own free will, would want to repair this family. He’s always been around and I feel just plays games. Finally I started dating someone for a few months and Dad flipped out. He begged me back, but kept on dating the girl he was in a relationship with. After a while, I was confused and left the guy I started dating. Then BD broke up with his gf, and we tried to reconcile for a few weeks. But then I caught him with her – he lied of course and tried to keep it going with me, but I refused. I will not be a party to that nor will I give him his cake and let him eat it too. After a week or so he went back to her, but now still tells me he loves me and can’t bare being with her, etc. But I don’t believe it all – but it’s driving me mad. How do I get him out of my life – I don’t have time for these games. I feel like I have to start the healing process all over again. But what do you do when BD has a gf and still keeps pursuing you too?

    • Hi Leigh,
      No one wants to see their ex move forward with their lives. It’s a hard blow to take and a hard pill to swallow. Yet, it happens, and you are evidence of that. You were working towards letting go and moving on, and once your ex sees that, he started to realize what he lost and wanted you back. Don’t allow that to stop your happiness. It didn’t work out for a reason, and you need to focus on that and keep striving to move forward not backward. My son’s father does the same to me regularly – the only difference is I don’t allow him to play mind games with me. I remember why we broke up and I remember why I won’t take him back. Yes, I can forgive, but it so much harder to forget.

      You are doing so well – living on your own in your new home, in school, and raising your son. Focus on those things and don’t let the craziness with your son’s father hinder your growth. You need to have a serious talk with him and set your boundaries. Draw your line in the sand, and explain to him that if he crosses that boundary, you will no longer engage in any type of conversation with him. He will either learn to respect you and your boundaries, or he will just disappear. The end goal is for you to express what you just mentioned – you don’t have time for games! When this is made clear, you can work on the healing process – and yes, you might have to start over from the beginning. But it will make you stronger and more focused.

      Hope this helps! Wishing you the utmost best!

  8. I’m glad I found this post and thank you for the tips. My baby daddy and I separated after 9 1/2 years and two children. The reason was because our communication wasen’t great and we lost our connection. We both stood together trying to work things out to only realize we just cannot be together. We were separated since Dec 2014 and he moved out in Jun 2015. The last time we were active was in Jan. When he moved out it was a tough time in my life for my children and I, the transition was a shock. He was already seeing somebody and is still with this person. I met the person he is seeing and so did my children. I am still single and I thought I moved on. Apparently, I have been having thoughts of trying again perhaps going to counseling and really trying. But he has moved on and its so tough especially when shes around all the time. I know I should just move on and accept it.

    • Hi Bertha,
      It sounds easy when you tell yourself to move on and accept it, but it is really a hard thing to do. Allow yourself to have those feelings, and address them possibly through counseling for yourself. Because whether you know it or not, your children see the impact that this is having on you and during this time of transition, they need to see and feel your strength. They need to be assured that you will be okay, and it will make them more comfortable being okay with it all too. You did your due diligence, you tried to work things out, and it just didn’t. Therefore, don’t focus on the shoulda, woulda, couldas and focus on what you can do to move forward for yourself and your children.

      Wishing you the utmost best!

  9. In my current situation, my child’s father wants me to meet his new gf. He moved on after 5 months, and our daughter was not even a year old. I was waiting on his promise to show me that things between us would be different/better. This grand promise to “never give up on us.” Then BOOM…he’s moved in with this woman and wants me to meet her so that I can be comfortable with her around my child. Bottom line, I feel that his abrupt move was inconsiderate of my feelings. Yes it’s about our daughter, but do you really think that I want to meet your new gf after 5 months and broken promises?! I’m at a complete loss! This entire ordeal is affecting my mental state.

    • Hi Amber,
      You are understandably upset…and you may need some time to accept and adjust. Have a conversation with him and explain your discomfort with the entire situation. Work on forgiving and letting go. It sounds like this new girlfriend may be around for some time, especially with him seeing it being important to introduce you to her to build your comfort level with her being around your child. Take it as a sign of respect towards you. Many men would not even consider doing that.

      It’s time to let go of the feelings and work on building a co-parenting relationship with your child’s father rather than a romantic relationship. Don’t allow this to affect your mental state in such a way that it impacts the relationship that your child will have with your child’s father. He may have intended to keep his promise, but things have changed. And now you have to change, accept it, and move on.

      Wishing you the utmost best through this! *Hugs*

  10. I’m 36 weeks preg now, my ex left us and moved out when I was 26 weeks, saying that we’ve tried long enough and it’s just not working. His ex has always been an issue and he doesn’t see the wrong in it, entertaining and doing favours for her. Even with him living with me, he’d still fetch her to spend weekends at his mom’s house. It’s been really difficult dealing with all the emotions. Feeling lonely, sad, rejected, abandoned, having to deal with pregnancy hormones on top of everything else alone. It has been the most stressful pregnancy thus far and just recently discovered that he’s been seeing someone else, that I actually know. It hurts knowing how he just left us, moving on with her in such a short period of time like our relationship meant nothing. I know I have to accept my current situation and move on with my life. I just find it so difficult, even still carrying our daughter inside of me. I just can’t help my mind wandering to oir past relationship and him and his new gf. He says he’ll always be there for our daughter and wants to be in the delivery room when I give birth but how do I deal with my own emotions and him being there??

    • I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through this, during a time where you should be happiest – during this time when you’re about to bring life into the world. I understand your pain, because I was going through this same pain when I found out that my son’s father had another baby on the way while I was pregnant with our son. It was extremely difficult to deal with. I was also hurt, lonely, and terribly sad – especially for my son.

      When I was in the hospital ready to give birth, he was nowhere to be found. I was hurt, confused, frustrated, and angry. When he finally arrived, I was relieved – satisfied that he would be able to experience the birth of our son with me. It wasn’t about what he did or how hurt I was – all of it was forgotten, and the main focus was on bringing that new life in the world.

      I say all that to say – when the time comes for you to give birth and he wants to be there, let him. Regardless of what happened between the two of you, he was a part of creating this new life and he should be allowed to be a part of it. Now if there are any issues or undue stress is placed on your child, then do what you have to do and swiftly kick him out of the room lol. But like I said, focus on this new life that you’re bringing into the world.

      Wishing you the utmost best!

  11. My situation is so hurtful, like many others. My child father has hurt me in so many ways. He left me alone, pregnant and went back to his first child mother. it is not the fact that he went back with her that hurts, it is the disrespect and the backstabbing i cannot understand. im still pregnant for him, and now he puts up her picture on his profile and it hurts. why? because he never once put a picture up of me saying he will not do that again it brings too many problems. maybe, like a lot of women i saw the signs but i was so deep into it i ignored them, but why do that now?
    where is the consideration for me and your unborn? i really do not understand it. and most of all, she insists on harassing me, messaging me. she even said that he and his family believes my unborn son is not his. how? a lot of people have told me move on and forgive him, i am going to be giving birth soon and i am an emotional wreck. people do not understand how hurtful and heart broken i am at the moment. i know i have to move on, i know i have to fogive but right now, my mind is overwhelmed with so much emotion it is difficult to focus. waiting for my baby to be born is adding to the emotional rollercoaster i am on at the moment.

    God has never given me anything i cannot bare and this is just another stepping stone to happiness and strength! as hurtful as this entire situation is, i am still thankful for my blessing, i am still going to stay strong for me and my baby.

    • You have answered your own thoughts, Zana. You have to put faith in God that it will all work out as it should. Right now, you need to disconnect yourself from what’s going on with your child’s father and put your focus, time and effort on your unborn child. The intense emotion could be from your hormones from your pregnancy; it would make sense. Everyone is giving you good advice – it’s time to move forward and let go. I know it’s hard when you’re still hurting, but you need to do just that to completely heal.

      If she’s messaging you, block her. Don’t give her, or him for that matter, more focus than you need to right now. Yes, you may have seen the signs but ignored it, but that doesn’t mean that you should be treated with disrespect either. Don’t bug them and don’t allow them to bug you. Focus on you and the baby right now and I promise in time you will heal from the hurt and pain you’re experiencing and start to make a way forward. Wishing you the utmost best!

  12. My situation has been a nightmare and I feel so weak. My fiancé of 3 years left me about 6 weeks ago. Didn’t speak to me for almost a month and then proceeded to try and work things out and tell me he loves me. I then realize that he had a relationship with a woman from work for that almost month we didn’t communicate. Well I then decided to work on things with him and forgive him but then found out he had slept with other girls and was talking to other girls and telling them he had feelings for them and so on so I walked away. He was incredibly controlling of me those couple weeks and then this past weekend I get messages from girls about how he’s dating them and they want to make sure he’s single all while he’s lying to me. Well move ahead literally three days and not only is he not seeing ALL the other girls but he is in a relationship and has moved in the woman, whose 7 years older than us, into the home we shared together. Literally all of this in less than 6 weeks. We had a two year old together and I’m 29 weeks pregnant with our second child and h has literally moved on and moved a new woman into our house in less than 2 months and I’m just a wreck. I feel so weak for allowing such a horrible person to even make me feel this awful at all but I am just undeniably heartbroken and I feel ill never survive. I recently found out he was lying about me and cheating on me before he ever left me. So obviously he had been emotionally over the relationship far before he actually left. It’s still just unbelievable the awful man he has turned into. I know I deserve so much better than to be strung along by a toxic man but how do you do this to someone you claimed to love, someone you proposed too and had children with. He blames everything on me and it is just exhausting. I know one day I’ll wake up and realize him leaving was the best thing to ever happen to me but right now I’m a mess. And he has done everything in his power to rub these woman in my face and emotionally touture me in every way. I have to slowly gain my control back but I just know when it doesn’t work out with this woman he will be back again. And I just need to be strong and focus on my boys and no that my future will only be brighter without him in it. It’s just hard when your a lot more me originally invested then your ex clearly ever was.

    • I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through this, Nicole. I fell for a toxic man as well, and it’s hard to recognize the signs for what they are. You fail to read through the lines when you are putting your all into a relationship. And you have children with him – it’s hard for you to fully recognize what he was. Some people might say that you should have known, but when you’re fully invested and feel that the other person is as well, you put all of your what-ifs and concerns to the side and trust that they are putting their all into the relationship like you are.

      But now you know the truth! Take that hurt, pain, and anguish and turn it into your strength. He’s moved on and you have to move on too. It will take time to truly get over the hurt, but you have to realize that you’re better off without all of that drama in your life. One day soon, you will wake up and realize that you have these (soon to be) two beautiful children that are fully dependent on you for love and support. And you need to be ready to give all of that to them, and more! You cannot do that if you’re dwelling on the hurt and pain that their father put you through.

      Each day that goes by, you’ll become a little bit stronger and your heart will heal a bit more. Until then, give your all to yourself and your children. Wishing you the utmost best!

  13. Yazmine Smith says:

    First and foremost, Great blog!!! I am experiencing a little of everything. From being a single mom, broken up for two years but in those two years going back and fourth allowing child’s father to play mind games break my heart and have his cake and eat it too. Overtime i seem to find happiness, clarity, and stability here he comes. Because i do love him and never ever want or wanted to be a single mom i let him in. Neither of us have introduced our child to someone else,nor have either of us admitted to being in a relationship. I think he in one, but recently he has agreed to go to counseling but seems to only be doing so because he can say he tried when i start talking bout fixing our relationship. Im so tired of the up and down that I’m ready to pack up and relocate. Don’t want to give up, but ready to be happy!!

    • Hi Yazmine, thanks so much for reaching out! I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling sick and tired of the situation, because honestly, this is the only way that you’ll be able to see that you require and deserve so much more than what you currently have. You are fully aware of the heartbreak that your child’s father has caused in your life over the years, and it’s time to make it stop. I understand that being a single parent is hard, but allowing your child to watch you be abused and hurt over and over is much worse! You need to start focusing on you and your child, rather than trying to fix a relationship that is fundamentally broken. You and your child’s father need to work on yourselves individually, and if one day, it is determined that the two of you can work it out, then you work on that together. But right now, I would suggest that you do just what you said – be happy!
      Wishing you the utmost best! 🙂

  14. Samari Bridges says:

    I’m so glad I found this! I moved out of my ex’s home last year in September and was having the time of my life being single. First let me say this, he actually forced me out of the house like to the point of putting me out. We came to an agreement that I would save my money and wait until after I received my master’s degree to move out. Well when we were together he was abusive towards me mentally, physically and emotionally. The last straw was one night he strangled me in front of company and our then 2 year old son. That was it. No more. I immediately moved out and found an apartment and started my life. I was having a good time being single no more arguments, no more wondering what mood he was going to be in when he came home from work, no more tip toeing around my house that I didn’t even feel comfortable in!! Until my 3 year year old son started saying a female’s name that I didn’t recognize and I assumed it was someone his father was dealing with because my son said she be by daddy house. Well as a mother I thought I deserved the right to know who my son is around like this so I asked his father and he kept denying it. Well let’s just say I caught him and he had to explain himself. Someone he works with at that!!!! I felt it was too soon to have my son around anyone like that! I always had a strange female’s intuition that he was interested with someone at his job. It’s been since about 3 weeks ago and I still can’t shake this hurting and pain that I have. I found myself checking her Facebook page, googling her just to see what makes her so interesting. I lay in bed crying and wondering how is he with someone being the person he is and I am here alone! I feel like how can he get blessed to have someone when I was the one being tormented, abused, disrespected, talked about, terrorized going through pain?! Then I had to sit back and think that God has a plan for me and him. He will get what’s due to him because Karma is REAL! I will receive my king one day in God’s timing. I have to learn to just sit back and let go… But it’s so hard because I don’t want to be with him! One thing I did learn is to run when you meet a man that have three kids by three different women… now I’m woman #4. smh

    • Thanks so much for enjoying my post, and for sharing your story!!! I understand what you were going through – it’s hard to see your ex move on and find someone else, while you’re still single. But you have to understand that he, like my ex, has always been on the hunt and therefore will find someone quickly. Us, on the other hand, need to time to find ourselves, figure things out, put life into perspective, before we jump into the next relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that! Like you said, God has a plan for us all and every thing happen in its own time. Continue to keep the faith that all will be well for you and your son! Wishing you the utmost best! 🙂

    • I understand I too left my husband after 18 years and now I will be 40 and he was so mentally abusing to me. I decided to live on my own with our then 13 year old daughter the sad thing I feel I don’t want him back but see on facebook he’s moved on with another woman that is just like him. Vulgar etc. I left him after I found out he was doing drugs and figured that is why he treated me the way he did. I sold our home and luckily with gods help and wisdom I managed to raise our daughter. I still find myself lurking to his facebook since he doesn’t provide any child support to our daughter. I just hate him so much and to see he is living his life with no worries about our daughter gets me more upset.

  15. i have a 1Year3months old son. His father and i just separated.He used to beat me up very much,he even did it infront of our son.I was afraid to tell anybody because i thought he loves me because i love him.He made me happy at times but sometimes i would cry the whole night from being beated.
    I used to look at my son while crying he would also cry and that broke me because i don’t want my son to get hurt or see me that way.i love my son very very much he is the only person that’s able to put a smile on my face

    we separated last week.I feel that i need to forgive him and find peace in my heart so that i can be happy .I don’t think i want him back though i still love him.

    How do i let go and find inner peace?

    • I am so sorry that you had to go through this! It is tough going through this experience without holding on to some anger and resentment, and that is understandable. It will take time, but you have to continue to focus on the reason why you decided to leave him in the first place. That will help you to realize why you don’t want to go back. I shared a post recently on how I learned to no longer resent my son’s father. Be sure to check it out for some ways that I’m sure will help you through your own experience. You deserve to find happiness and inner peace – I’m sure it will happen for you soon. Be strong and stay focused – wishing you the utmost best!

  16. Colleen Carbone says:

    My infant daughter’s father kicked me and my oldest daughter out of his house. I took him back for all our children and I loved him the most in my life. He left me and my daughter a year later. Now is with the girl he cheated on me with when I was pregnant. Hearing from strong women like all of you give me strength, thank you.

    • I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this! Please continue to stay strong, and know that things will get better soon. Wishing you the utmost best! Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂

  17. Hey

    Thanks for the advice, it really helped me

    Much appreciated

  18. Wonderful blog Natasha. I’m Tanya and my child’s father and I split for 8 months now.. we broke up due to differences . I did want to be back with him but he told me no because he met someone as soon as we broke up .. they been together now 7 months. My daughter is 2. This girl has been around my daughter because he lives with her now.. but my child’s father and I haven’t stopped having sex since we were together in 2010 . I still have somewhat feelings for him but I don’t want him back but I do miss him at times and really want to stop messing with him but it’s hard. I feel like once I meet someone new he’s going to try and come back and I’m just not going to give him the time of day. I need help .

    • Hi Tanya, thanks so much of reaching out. First and foremost, stop having sex with your child’s father. I know it’s hard, but just like anything else that is not good for you, you have to let it go…especially since he has moved on and in another relationship. Your feelings for him are probably coming from the sexual connection. But realize that if he really wanted to be with you, he would. He wouldn’t be sleeping with you and be in another relationship. You can’t truly move on and move forward if you continue to hold onto to this sexual relationship with your child’s father. I hope this helps! Wishing you the utmost best!

  19. Chelsea says:

    So me and my child’s father dated for 3 years and he was there throughout the whole pregnancy we went through some crazy situations such as domestic issues when I was pregnant that he blames me for and afterwards. I have been disrespected by his family and friends. He even moved on 2 months after our child was born and he say he moved on because he claims that I put him through a lot but I feel that he put me through a lot. So it’s crazy because he’s like things could’ve been different if the law was never involved in our relationship and just makes up a lot of excuses. His girlfriend has even disrespected as well a lot and he doesn’t care he just say that we should get along. However, we are both in relationships and we have both messed around with each other and it’s weird because it sends mixed signals and he knows how I still feel about him and how he has hurt me but I can’t seem to get over it. I don’t know what to do at all …. any suggestions ? Even tells me that no one knows what the future holds which makes it more complicated for me.

    • Hi Chelsea, thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now. There are a couple of things bugging me – the lack of respect from him, his girlfriend, his family, and his friends. Everything that you’ve mentioned shows that you shouldn’t allow him to continue to manipulate and confuse you. You should not allow him to get into your mind and make it seem as though there is the possibility of a future together. Both of you are in other relationships now and honestly you should focus on continuing to build a future there or otherwise, and most of all, focus on building a life for you and your child.

      Someone once told me – It’s easy to fall into the same routine, but it’s difficult to break that routine and make the focus on you. The choice is up to you to figure out which way you’re going to go.

      Hope this helps! Wishing you the utmost best!

  20. My child’s grandmother told me.that her son was.doing well.with his life and hes moved on. What hurts me the most is that I tried to make it work with my daughter father even though it was a unhealthy relationship.!! I was verbally emotionally and sometimes physically abused. I just feel like now since he has his parents backing him up. I have been feeling misjudged .. God help me. (Broken woman)

    • I can understand why you feel that way, Shey, but don’t let it bring you down. Be happy that he’s moved on, that you no longer have to be verbally, emotionally, and physically abused. Be happy that your child won’t have to be exposed to that sort of abuse, and feel blessed for the happiness that will you come your way one day. Don’t worry about what his parents think, you know your truth. Be strong, stay blessed, and focus on being there and loving your child. Wishing you the utmost best – feel free to reach out anytime!

  21. i dont wanna be with my baby daddy … but how can i co parent with him when he constantly disrespects me ? hes 19 im 20 … young parents but hes immature

    • Hi Lee, to address your question – you can’t have a healthy co-parenting relationship if one parent is not ready to make that change. You can’t possibly have a healthy co-parenting relationship if he constantly disrespects you. Unfortunately, you will have to continue being the best parent you can be until he is ready to step up and be the parent that your child deserves. Wishing you the utmost best! Hope you’re having a great week!

  22. Thanks to everyone for sharing and responding. I broke up with my on off partner of 6 yrs in Feb. At the time our daughter was 8 Mths old. I ended it after prior warning that change was needed. He has turned up drunk, wouldn’t leave etc, he would come in my personal space when visiting our daughter in my home almost daily (good day) but it was really hard as he brought a negative vibe with him. He came last Sunday with love bites on his neck (39 yrs old) . It unnerved me and that unnerved me as well. I then decided I needed him out of my space. I changed visits to be at his hours twice a week and weekends. This frees me up and my kids and i dont have him in our space and i can move on. The thing is I feel like I’m grieving for him. I almost feel like initating contact even though I know I need to not and I won’t . Has anyone experienced similar feelings. It’s doing my head in.

  23. It’s been a year since my kids father and I separated. I made the decision to end the relationship bc i cldnt keep arguing. I was mentally loosing it. I weighed 112 lbs when I called it quits. We had been friends for years and I loved him from the moment I met him. I’m wasn’t perfect in the relationship however I always considered him. He was extremely selfish and once we had a child my outlook on life changed. She was 1.5 yrs old when we split. He moved on this summer publicly and I know of the girl. So I continue to hear about their relationship. I was allowing my daughter to spend nights until she came home on 2 different occasions exhibiting inappropriate sexual behavior. When I brought it to his attention he was angered and dismissed me. I let him know at that point that she would not be spending an overnight with him anymore. I gave him the option to visit with her at my mothers home who lives down the block from him however he opted not to and stayed away for 6mos. I didn’t text or call in all that time and niether did he. I was broken, shattered and left to raise my baby girl alone. I was served with visitation paperwork 2 weeks ago and faced him in court after not seeing him for 6 mos. I am trying to accept him moving on but finding it hard to understand why he would give up on his only daughter. Why won’t he try and create a co parenting relationship with me? Why is the new girl more important?

    • Hi Vee, thanks so much for reaching out! It sounds like you’re going through a tough time, trying to handle your emotions towards him while trying to figure out why he doesn’t want to be a father and create a healthy co-parenting relationship for the sake of your child. Understand that you got it right very early on in your comment – it sounds as though he is selfish. Realize that this has nothing to do with you, or your child, or the new girl. Many times, we as women associate how we would handle something and determine that men should do it the same way. But many times, men have completely different motives for the reasons why they do things. In my own situation, it has taken me some time to realize that my son’s father loves my son; however, his way of loving my son or exhibiting his love to my son is not the same way that I would. I want to see my son every day, and I look forward to the hugs and kisses that I will get from him each day and hearing his numerous stories about what has happened or just sitting around with him doing absolutely nothing. My son’s father, on the other hand, can easily love my son from afar. He can go 6 months without ever reaching out to us or hearing from us. If I don’t call or reach out to him for something, then he knows that my son is okay and doing well. It’s strange to me and I can’t relate to it, but I am beginning to understand it.

      You need to work through your emotions and not let it cloud your judgment. Realize that as he has moved on, you must move on too. That doesn’t mean that you must find a new relationship, it means that you must let go of that relationship and the emotions that tie you to it. Continue protecting your child the way that you are – I would also be concerned about my child exhibiting unusual sexual behavior after returning from his father’s home. And you are right for confronting him and changing the overnight availability for this reason. You didn’t mention how it went in court, but I hope that you have addressed this issue with the courts as this is a very serious issue. In many ways, he may be taking you to court to spite you due to you changing things, and you have to reassure everyone that you are doing this in the best interests of your child.

      Continue being the strong mama that you are! Focus on making a good life for you and your child, and let go of the worries about your child’s father and his new relationship. Wishing you the utmost best!

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