How Would You Handle This Awkward Phone Call? | Epic Mommy Adventures

How Would You Handle This Awkward Phone Call?

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The other day I received an unexpected phone call…and honestly, I’m still trying to process it several days later.

I got a call from my son’s paternal grandmother…

We haven’t had the best of relationships, for obvious reasons.  She is truly an enabler of her son, almost to the degree that she feels that he does no wrong.  Understandably, that is her only child and he’s a boy, but still right is right and wrong is wrong. But, hey, to each it’s own.  Either way, I am not one to ignore or avoid someone because of it, especially when it’s my son’s grandmother. To a certain degree I think she believes that I have a problem with her because I don’t allow Micah to visit as often as she feels that he should.  You see, Micah’s siblings all go over to grandma’s house (Micah’s father lives there too) every other weekend. Many times, the moms need a break from their rambunctious child and feel that it would be a good idea for grandma to watch them for the weekend. If you noticed, I keep saying grandma…that’s because they all know that the father is not stepping in and being there for his kids. So grandma becomes that surrogate father in their own father’s absence.

Micah’s father would love for me to fall in line and just accept this arrangement, but I refuse to.  As he is the one that filed for “parenting time”, I feel that it is important for the time to be used for just that.  It can be used to build a relationship with his grandma and his numerous siblings, but first and foremost, it should be used to build a relationship with Micah.  Instead, Micah barely sees his father – and I’m just tired of it.  Now, it’s to the point where we can go weeks and even months at a time without hearing anything from him. It’s completely ridiculous!

Anyway…she called me to ask if I could add her to the list at Micah’s school so she can visit him from time to time.  My initial reaction was, “Huh??!!” It’s been months since Micah has last been there or seen his father, and now his grandmother is calling to ask to visit him at school?

If she wanted to spend time with Micah, she could always stop by or call…or something. I mean, we do live within 5 minutes of each other so it is not that incredibly difficult to arrange. But I never expected her to call to ask if she could see Micah at his school. I asked her about coming over to visit…and she responds by saying that she didn’t know where I lived. Huh? Doesn’t your son live with you? He’s been to my apartment several times, why hasn’t she mentioned it to him? I told her where I lived.

Then, she goes on to say that it would be easier for her to visit Micah at the school because she takes walks in the area. Well, isn’t that convenient? I told her that it would be easier to visit Micah at my house as it wouldn’t impact his routine at school.  I would hate for Micah to react to seeing her and either want to go with her (which he couldn’t) or cry because he thinks that he has to go to see his father (which is most likely).

I grew tired of the conversation…

We chatted for a minute or two about how Micah was doing and progressing over the past few months. Then, we hit the awkward silence.  It was time to get off the phone; there wasn’t anything more to speak about.

I explained that I was willing to have her visit Micah’s school, with adequate warning.  And I also would be willing to have her visit Micah at my house, also with adequate warning.  She understood…and finally agreed.

We ended the call just as awkwardly as it began…

How Would You Handle This Awkward Phone

How would you have handled this awkward phone call? Would you have responded the same way?  Share your thoughts in the comments below!

 

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About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. That’s a tough one! While it is nice for her to reach out and want a relationship with her grandson, it’s sad that her son doesn’t do the same. Visiting him at school probably wouldn’t be the best idea. I agree with you, it would probably disrupt his routine. Hopefully she’ll take you up on the offer for her to visit with Micah at your place.

    • I would honestly prefer her to see Micah at my apartment. And I have told her as much after I thought about it more. I don’t want to create any negative impact on him, plus I’m very careful who I add to the list of people who can come to see him or pick him up. I’ll just wait to see if she takes me up on my offer. Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate it! 🙂

  2. That’s actually something of a scary request (asking to be put on his list at school). When I ran into a high-school pal I hadn’t seen in decades a few years back, she spoke about her child abduction scare from around 10 years ago. When she and her husband divorced, he initially had no custody or visitation. Unfortunately, she never remembered to get her husband taken off the list at their kid’s school. He ended up abducting their boy simply by picking him up from school, and he hid out with him in another state for several months. They were eventually reunited.

    I’d recommend NEVER putting her on the list, even if the two of you end up having a better relationship as time goes by. Knowing what happened to my friend, I’m just a little suspicious of the request.

    • I completely agree, Denise. I ended up not putting her on the list after thinking it through some more. The only people that are on the list that people I can trust with my life. Beyond that, I am not adding anyone to the list. Thanks so much for sharing your story! You have made me realize that I made the best choice! Thanks! 🙂

  3. I’m all for letting grandparents see their grandchildren when the parents aren’t doing the right thing. However there’s something fishy about saying I want to see him at school but I don’t want to come to your house. I would be very hesitant to let someone who doesn’t regularly visit my child at my house, see my child outside of my control. Once you add her to the list at school, she can withdraw him from class. You would not know that she did. She could pick him up after school started and return him before school let out and you got there. Only since you’re asking, my answer would have been no, without explanation.

    • And that’s honestly where I finally landed. I never added her to the list. I just felt that it was way too fishy, and my son’s well-being comes first before anything else. So if she really wants a relationship with my son, then she’ll have to see him at my house. Thanks for responding! I really appreciate it! 🙂

  4. I think you handled it just the way it should’ve been handled! I mean she is his grandmother, so a degree of respect is expected. But, I admire you for drawing the line when it became awkward! Doing what’s best for your son is what’s important. And you’re right, she can come to your place and visit him! That’s just childish. *steps down from soapbox* I think that’s a sticky situation, but it sounds like you handled it with poise! Kudos to you! 🙂

    • Thank you Chelsea! I do believe that she deserves some level of respect – she is Micah’s grandmother, and she is an elder. And for those reasons, I avoided just hanging up the phone on her. Because had anyone else called me to say that, that’s probably what I would have done. What’s important is that Micah is happy, and although I want Micah to have a relationship with all of his family, I can’t push it. Especially if I’m not comfortable with it. Thanks for the comment…and for the encouragement! 🙂

  5. I’m glad you didn’t put her on the list. Like the others said, that sound fishy to me. She would be on the list and then bring the father with her to see or take him some where. If she wants to see your son, she would have to see him at your apartment. You don’t owe anyone even if they are “related” right to see your son if you’re not comfort. She has to respect that you’re not comfortable with the situation or him visiting her house. If she wants to see your son bad enough, she’ll come to you.

    • That’s the thing that I end up getting hung up on – I feel like I owe it to my son to try; however, I only owe it to my son to make him happy. It is something that I have slowly come to grips with. I want everyone to be a happy family for my son, but that shouldn’t mean that I should sacrifice my comfort level for it. Thanks for your comment and your encouragement! 🙂

  6. Keri Jones says:

    I think you’ve made the right decision. It does seem a bit strange that she asked to see him at school. Sounds like a very awkward phone call and not a situation I would want to be in. If she is sincere about seeing him and building a relationship she shouldn’t have a problem visiting him at your home. Only time will tell. I hope it works out for you and Micah xx

    • Thanks so much for your comment Keri! It definitely seems very strange to me as well. It’s always awkward speaking with her, because she always gives me the impression that she has an ulterior motive. So I’m just going to keep moving forward doing what’s best for my son. Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂

  7. I agree with your decision. As his mom, you are making a choice based on what is best for him! I would have done the exact same. I feel that she isn’t considering him in this situation as much as herself. His routine is very important but she is more comfortable at the school than being around you, not considering that he may WANT you to be there as comfort! Stick with your gut opinion of the situation! I think you did right!

    • In some cases, I think they look at me as a control freak as though I’m just trying to control every situation. They don’t realize that I’m trying to do what’s best for my son. It’s my job to protect him at all costs. She’s truly not considering what’s best for him or she would have never asked me to just see him at his school. And yes, I believe that my son would want me there as comfort. Thank you for your comment! I will definitely go with my gut! 🙂

  8. this maybe going to the extreme but I would ask the school if anyone but you calls to ask about your son because I have a creepy ex-husband and the school knew to let me know if any inquires came through because it usually meant he was up to something

  9. I am glad you didn’t put her on the list. There is just something about that conversation that gives me the creeps to be completely honest with you. I am re-married and my ex husband has tried once to take away my custody (which is the whole reason why we moved back to Croatia) and there is no way in hell I would allow him to be on the list to pick up the child from school, especially since my son told me my ex tried to tell him he would be better off with him.

    If she wants to see her grandson, there is nothing stopping her to come see him at your apartment, especially since you yourself told her that.

    • I absolutely agree with you, especially in your own situation. I agree – if she wants to see him, she will have to meet with him under my terms and under my watch. Thanks so much for your comment! 🙂

  10. I am not sure about the background of you and your son’s fathers relationship and the relationship with his mom. However, too me, knowing my personal situation, I feel as though she has some other plans. I would not allow her to visit my son at school she would meet me at a mutual place and I would be present the entire visit. I am not sure how schools work there but if she is a contact in my state she would have access to pick him up early and everything. I am big on education and I hate drama. You are his sole provider, sounds like the dad is a deadbeat so your way or the highway.

    • I really don’t have the best of relationships with either one of them (his dad or with his dad’s mom). I want them to have a relationship with my son; however, it has to be under logical terms. I really don’t fully trust either one of them. And I have been burned one too many times by them. Therefore, I will just keep pushing forward with just me and my lil man. If she won’t meet us in a mutual place, then she won’t see him. However, I won’t allow her to just pop up at his school whenever she wants. Thanks so much for your comment Victoria! 🙂

  11. Natasha I read this last night and gave myself some time to soak in the post before I chimed in lol.
    I want to say that as a single parent myself it is unfortunate sometimes when we can’t find a happy medium.
    When as parents one sees things as one way and the other perhaps no way at all.
    What I strongly believe in is not having my child around anyone whole genuinely doesn’t have her best interest. I don’t care who they are.
    I have never believed in having children around a parent who behaved poorly.
    From what I read on your page and what you share Micah’s father has poor parenting skills and emotions.
    Micah is a beautiful little boy and loved dearly by you and your loved ones he shouldn’t have to interact with anything less than that.
    If courts dictate he suppose to have x amount of time with his father then ok so be it we do what has to be done as best we can but other than that I wouldn’t deal with that.
    As he gets older he can express his wishes more clearly and if he so wishes then you proceed with what he suggest all in safety of course.
    I think the call lasted longer than I would have dealt with lol but your good for trying to be civil. I think her visits to the school would be a distraction for sure. I would say we can meet in a park or something I wouldn’t even want them in my home. My space is mine and I only share with those I love and again genuinely care. Everyone shouldn’t enter your home.
    Best of luck and as always love the honest shares. xoxo

    • Mari, I can always depend on you to give some honest, yet sincere and thoughtful, comments. I love every part of your response. I tend to be told that I am way too nice sometimes, but over time, I have hardened up a bit. I honestly let the conversation go on that long because I genuinely want Micah to have his father and his father’s family in his life. However, I am not going to allow neither my son or I to be run over. That’s just not going to happen. His father does not even take advantage of the court-appointed time, and I refuse to keep pushing the issue.

      Like you said, I will wait until my son is older and is expressing an interest in seeing his father and his father’s family. Then, I will take action. Until then, I will continue to do the best for my son…on my own.

      Thanks so much for your comment!

  12. That’s scary! Your poor thing. I think you handled it well. No school visit. Let her visit you at your apartment. And I would definitely call the school and make sure they’re aware.

  13. I would think that if she wanted to see him, she would just come to your house. I wouldn’t put her on the list.

  14. It’s like she doesn’t want to be around you and Micah at the same time so she’d rather interupt him at school! She’s knows this situation is wrong, but rather than see her son in a bad light, she’d rather just make it like he’s the victim, you’re wrong, and stay away! Smh I’m going thru the same mess and it’s ridiculous!

    • That’s exactly how I feel too! It’s absolutely ridiculous. They haven’t fully realized yet that I’m his mother, and they have to deal with me. Although I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m still considered the bad guy. Once upon a time, I would’ve cared about that, but now I could care less. If she wants to see him, she’ll have to deal with me period. Hopefully, she’ll get the hint soon. 🙂

  15. That’s it! Its very aggravating because its like, I’m this little boys mom, I’ve been there since day one and haven’t left his side, but when victim Dad comes along everything has to go his way because, when you put your foot down, you’re bitter and trying to keep HIS son away from him!!! Especially when the Father, in my situation, split during my pregnancy, has been around only a hand full of times, and now I’m supposed to jump every time you’re READY to be a Father???

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