Momma’s Baby…Daddy’s Maybe…

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I remember the first time my son’s father told me this…

I was a few months pregnant and concerned about how I would be as a mom and whether or not our relationship would last. I worried if he would play an active role in our son’s life. I worried if I would end up being a single mom, especially since he was so distant thus far. And you know what his response was?

 

Momma’s baby…daddy’s maybe.

 

This saying is an old southern saying, meaning that women have to face the harsh reality that the responsibility for caring for a child may rest solely on our shoulders. The father may or may not be in the picture, but it is the woman’s responsibility to make sure that they are capable and able to to support the child on our own.

In other words, it didn’t matter.  I would just have to suck it up and be a mom. I would have to accept the fact that he may or may not be an active member in our son’s life. I may be alone in this parenting road, even if I stayed with him or left him.

I came to the realization that I was on my own after that conversation. Now, remind you, this is before all of his indiscretions came to light. I was concerned even then that something was wrong, but I thought it was just in my head. Needless to say, I had every right to be concerned.

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Almost 3 years later and this quote looms over my head, because the concerns that I had back then have become a reality now.

As you know, Micah has been diagnosed with asthma a few months ago, and since then, I have been a nervous wreck. Every little cough that I hear, or every moment where it seems as though he is gasping for air, I am worried. I am a worry-wort by nature anyway, so being concerned about my son breathing is definitely taking me over the edge. It doesn’t help that he’s been sick regularly – viruses, infections, croup, coughing, and the list just goes on. These fairly common illnesses are bound to happen, as he’s in school; however, it is xponentially worse because it can be lead to an asthma flare and possible hospital time if not taken care of immediately. I’ve taken many days off of work to make sure that he gets back to normal.

Unfortunately, I have not received the consistent support from his father as I had hoped. Each time Micah goes to his house for the weekend, I provide him with Micah’s nebulizer, medication, and asthma plan and every single, solitary time, Micah returns with a cold, infection, or virus. Understandably, his siblings are also there and the likelihood of him getting sick is high; however, it should be his responsibility to adjust Micah’s asthma treatment depending on how Micah is feeling. This is not the case. He always acts as though I’m overreacting to Micah’s illnesses – that is, until I have to call him and say that Micah is in the hospital. Then, he shows some sign of interest in what’s going on. Otherwise, I’m on my own. I have to take days off from work to make sure Micah is ok, take Micah to numerous doctor appointments (all the nurses know him by name now, without even looking up his records), administer multiple vials of asthma medication, stay up all night watching Micah sleep to make sure that he’s breathing, and still do everything else on top of that. It’s so incredibly stressful.

But I shouldn’t be completely shocked…he did tell me this would happen. Now, I have to experience all these stressful moments on my own. Yes, I have friends that are there for me through all of the experiences and I will love them forever for it. But I would love to have his father support us through this illness. I just pray that Micah will grow out of it, so this illness will not impact him through his entire childhood.

 

 

About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. Wonderful honest share!

  2. I’m so sorry you have to go through all that without your son’s father. Hopefully like you said he will grow out of it or it will at least become more manageable for both of you when he gets a bit older!

  3. I remember feeling ill every time I sent my son to his fathers. When he was younger he would always come home with an ear infection because his father and others would smoke in the house. Even though the doctor said that smoking in the house could be the cause his father refused to accept it and put his own needs in front of his son’s.

    I wonder if you couldn’t take the issue to court and have his over night visitations revoked and just keep the visitations for a few hours a day. After all, he isn’t being helpful he is only making your situation harder when your son gets sick.

  4. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly! Sounds like you are doing an amazing job all on your own – well done, you are inspiring! Both my son and I have asthma, it is worrying – very worrying (I know only too well what a serious illness it can be) hopefully the older he gets and the more mature his immune system becomes the asthma will be more controlled and manageable. Well done Natasha, you’re doing a super job!

    • Thank you for stopping by and commenting, Ciara! I’m definitely trying to do the best that I can – that’s all I can do. You’re right, and you completely understand, about the asthma – it can definitely be a serious illness if it is not controlled and managed appropriately. I have seen a huge difference in Micah since winter ended and I just hope that he is growing out of it. Thanks so much for your comment!

  5. Wow. I always thought it meant, you can’t be sure who the father is, but nobody doubts who the mother is. That’s why Judaism is traced through the mother.

    • You know what? I have heard so many different variations of the definition of this phrase. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are all right. In my particular situation and how it was described to me, it means that moms always have to be there for their kids, but fathers have the choice. Thanks so much for your comment! 🙂

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