Lies His Father Tells…And The Hurt That Comes After | Epic Mommy Adventures

Lies His Father Tells…And The Hurt That Comes After

The Woes of the Child Custody Mediation Process
The Saga Continues...the Threats, the Lies, and the Anger
Nothing bugs me more than lies…well, except for obligations. 
I can’t handle people putting obligations on me.


In my mind, it is not necessary to lie. You gain nothing from it. But for some people, they can’t even help to spew the lies that they spill.  It just becomes 2nd nature for them.

On Tuesday, I had a very interesting conversation with Micah’s father.  I know, you must be saying, why do you talk to this man? But he called me and I felt that he deserved to provide an explanation for the past few weeks…before I reamed him out.

The last time Micah and I heard from his father was on Micah’s birthday. 
Just for clarification purposes, Micah’s birthday was July 28th.
 


When he called, he got Micah so excited because he mentioned that he would be bringing Micah some balloons (Micah LOVES balloons) and that he would take Micah to Toys-r-Us to pick out a toy of his choice.  Micah was excited all day, asking “Daddy, balloons right?” He was so excited that every time he asked, it would be a different version. Sometimes it would be “balloons, Daddy, right?” other times, it would be “balloons Daddy? Daddy balloons? Daddy toy balloon?”

Needless to say, Daddy never showed up.  Micah was extremely disappointed.  He’s in that phase now where he just gets really sad for a period of time whenever he thinks about something.  He didn’t cry, but he just laid on me for most of the morning and into the afternoon. 

I wasn’t having my baby sad on his birthday, so I ended up taking him out for balloons and heading out to Ihop for dinner.  He was a happy camper the rest of the day, but it still hit me pretty hard that his father never showed up and never even called to say that he could not make it.

Fast forward to Tuesday, 8/6…


We finally hear from Micah’s father. Supposedly, he was hit by a car last Wednesday, July 31st – a car ran him over while he was walking across the street, while taking his daughter to a Justin Bieber concert up in New York (sounds bogus already!).  This is his explanation as to why he couldn’t make it to see Micah on his birthday.  

I’ve listed dates for a reason…he said that he couldn’t make it to Micah’s birthday (7/28) because he got hit by a car on 7/31.  No, you are not mistaken, this is what he said.

Instantly, I confronted him on this discrepancy.  How could you miss Micah’s birthday for an accident that happened 3 days later?

His response…”Oh, oh, oh…that’s right. Well, I was at work that day and couldn’t get out on time, then found out that I had walking pneumonia and was in the hospital on Sunday, 7/28 and Monday, 7/29.”

My response…”Ok, so what happened to calling and saying something or coming by on Tuesday, 7/30?”

His response…(raises his voice) “Well, you know things come up! I wish that Micah was old enough so he could understand this, because it just seems like you’re pumping his head up with all of these supposed facts and making me out to be the bad guy.”

My response…(laughing) “Goodbye…”


Of course, the conversation was much longer than this, because I attempted on two separate occasions to have Micah speak with his father, but he just didn’t want anything to do with the conversation.  He was too busy eating his grapes and watching his shows to pay attention to his father.

I honestly think it hurt his father that Micah didn’t want to talk, but honestly, I really believe that as young as Micah is, he is starting to understand the lies that his father tells.  He is recognizing that he can’t trust him to deliver on his promises.  And honestly, I believe that these kids don’t forget a thing.  They have the memory of an elephant at this age. 

It’s incredibly painful to see it. As a mom, I want to take away all of Micah’s hurts and pains, but I’m realizing each day that I can only do so much.  He has to realize the person that his father is and come to understand that his father will not change.

The custody hearing is scheduled for 8/27. 
Oh yeah, he’s requesting sole custody!


At that time, all of this has to be brought up so that it is clear that he needs some serious parenting lessons.  Although he has multiple kids, he does not realize the potential negative impact he is having on these children’s lives.

I just pray that the other kids have a support system with their mom as Micah will always have from me, my family, and my friends. 

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About Natasha

Hi, I'm Natasha! I'm a 30-something Program Manager and blogger at Epic Mommy Adventures. Most importantly, I'm a single mom to my adorable son, who drives me nuts in one moment and melts my heart in the next. I enjoy sharing our epic stories, giving advice to other single moms, and sharing my co-parenting woes. I also share blog hops, giveaways, product reviews, and so much more. Join the fun!

Comments

  1. That is just beyond ridiculous…

  2. D-o n-o-t a-n-s-w-e-r t-h-e p-h-o-n-e. You know that “man” is just going to push your buttons because he knows he can. He gets off on making you upset so your best defense is to quit giving him that pleasure. Hug your precious little guy because that is all that really matters. And don’t worry about the hearing. Don’t think for a moment that judges haven’t seen and/or heard it all before and can instantly peg someone for who they really are. Chin up!

    Michelle @ On A Wing And A Prayer

    • For the first time ever, he didn’t piss me off as usual. I was able to just ignore him and hang up the phone. I have to still interact with him when it comes to Micah, so I do still answer the phone, especially before court. I do not want to go to court and have him making the point that I don’t provide him access to Micah. So until the visitation schedule is set up at the end of the month, I just have to suck it up.

      In the meanwhile, I’m working on me and Micah. My son’s father does not matter anymore. I don’t allow him to rile me up, but I do get concerned when he hurts Micah. However, I am coming to the conclusion (took some time, though) that there is nothing I can do about that, but help to comfort Micah through it and keep it moving.

      And thank you so much for the advice. I was concerned about the hearing. I just hope that the mediator and the judge will recognize the craziness and make the right decision in Micah’s best interest. Thanks!

  3. Oh honey, this just makes my heart hurt. For all of you. I hate that you even have to go through a custody battle with a guy like that. Let’s hope it’s not much of a battle! My sister’s ex-husband and baby daddy is also a pathological liar. And you’re right – it just makes no sense to lie about everything! I’m so sorry. Hugs and kisses to you and your precious little Micah!

    • Thanks so much, Kat. I really appreciate it. It is tough, but I do believe that we will endure. My little Micah deserves so much better. I just hope, as you said, that it won’t be much of a battle and Micah and I can move on from this craziness. Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Oh honey, so many hugs to lil man!!! I know exactly what you are dealing with! When the ex first moved out to Vegas, he was supposed to drive back to town for his first summer visit and take D-man back with him and then D would fly home at the end of two months. The day he was supposed to arrive…we got a phone call instead saying he wasn’t coming. D was totally crushed at 9 yrs old. If it wasn’t for the ex’s parents getting a plane ticket a week later, D would not have gone out. But rather than spend that summer with his dad, he stayed with his grandparents instead. You are so right that Micah will figure out the games and you don’t have to say a word…daddy will hang himself, I know my ex did! Hang in there girl…you are doing all the right things!

    • Thanks so much Stacey! I appreciate you saying that I’m doing the right things. Sometimes I wonder if its true or not, but I do believe it mostly every day.

      It’s so sad that your son went through this. How does a parent do that to their child? It’s just so bewildering. But I’m glad that he got to spend the summer with his grandparents. And you’re right – the kids figure things out very quickly, no matter how old they are. We just have to continue being great moms to help support our children through those times.

      Thanks for your comment!

  5. I had a similar experience with my father growing up. There were definitely nights when I cried myself to sleep. I’m a happily married mom of two, and Father’s Day is STILL hard. Going through all that gave my mom the opportunity to prove her love for me over and over again, just as you’re doing. Your son is young, but he’s already starting to see things clearly. More importantly, God knows exactly what’s going on. I’m sorry about all this nonsense, though! Prayers of peace and joy to you!!

    • I also had a similar experience with my own dad, actually both of my parents. I was raised by my grandparents and didn’t really see much of my parents until I was almost a teenager. You have so many unanswered questions as a child when your parents are not around. After going through something similar, I hoped and prayed that the same would not happen to my own child. But God makes no mistakes and I believe that this was supposed to happen to help both me and my son stronger.

      Thanks so much for your comments and your prayers! 🙂

  6. My hearts hurts for you both. I had a dad that just spewed lies left and right all while growing up. It became so bad that we just couldn’t believe anything he said. We forgave him over and over again. Thank God we had my mom and thank God Micah has you. You are one strong mama. Prayers for you both!

    • It is a horrible situation to be in. I’m just thankful that we have each other to get us through it, just as you had your mom. I’m hoping that him spending every other weekend with his father will help to bring about the father-son relationship that I so desire for my son.

      Thanks!

  7. I’m so sorry that you and your little guy have to go through this. Reading your story, reminds me so much of the stories my husband tells about how he used to sit and wait for his father to show up to take him places and he would never come. It’s not fair at all for the kids to feel that way. I really hope things get better and your little boy. He is lucky though to have a wonderful mom as you to be there for him.
    Thank you for sharing and linking up this post with The Mom Diaries

    • It’s unbelievable how there are so many parents out there like that. The disappointment and sadness that these kids experience — especially boys, who I believe are most impacted by the lack of a father in the household — makes me depressed sometimes. But I’m just glad that I am here and I will do my best to make the best of this situation.

      Thanks for reading and sharing your comments! 🙂

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